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How can we make sure women feel safe in an online community?


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I think I’ve gotten about 60 unsolicited dick pics today, and I haven’t even responded or started a conversation
I have been catfish many times by men acting like woman with female profiles. When we decide to take it off here the numbers don't lie , so in reality it's not just men it's the actual website for not verifying profiles correctly. I'm not saying men aren't wrong (most times they always are but) when point I'm trying to make , kink will bring the dark side out of ppl . period

This is a hard question tbh. Because on one side the platform can en*** checks and limits. But that can be deemed restrictive or decrease membership. On the other hand people should be more respectful, approach and treat women as humans and not sex toys (unless enthusiastic consent is given for that) and have a genuine conversation first. I think it needs to be a bit of both of the above with tools for women to quickly block and report ***. 

I think being able to have safe spaces where we can foster dialogue like this to help shed light on women's perspective can allow men to move forward with not being so creepy.
Unfortunately probably only in the same way as in real life... give people as much opportunity to communicate issues as easily as possible.

Dunno if there is a better system than allowing users to make reports and actively moderating them.

Difference is though, real-world approaches are ***d so you have to opt-out.

On the internet, you opt-in to everything.. so really the only fair thing to do is say don't use a website if it's not an environment you enjoy.

So then we just need to keep creating smaller and more specialised communities, until they are manageable.


more *** -> more moderators -> higher quality moderation.

+ Gating user access more.. only allow verified members on the app. That way, a ban is actually effective. But that means lower ratings on the play store.

So really its just a case of safety/greed and the responsibility of the site owners, as curators of their environment.
Look if you are opening with lines about your my daughter and wanna hook up, or are overly pushy and don't want to know you is a clear red flag. Go with your gut ladies if it seems off he probably is ...be careful and air on the side of caution
I think if we keep being our authentic selfs and post what we are looking for, it can help. For example I am a sub, yet I am a sub only during the play, before and after I want to be treated non sub. It’s important for those that see my profile know that. Another example, I don’t like being asked for pics. If we talk we click the rest will follow. Asking for a pic right away or a full body this n that.. makes the connection I am seeking (connection as a person and no strings attached are not mutually exclusive) it makes it hard to want to engage more.

It’s important for me to know folks can be patient and understand in fantasy and out of fantasy. I think after that I might consider a M/s relationship or relationships. I am wanting to explore and that means being pushed right away into a M/s makes it hard to connect too. Others May already know they want a M/s, that’s cool, I still think taking that slow will allow us to find that relationship in a fun no stress way. Just a thought.

Also I work and am a professional and if it takes time to respond and get to k ow me that is just how it is. Be kind and what we all seek can be found.

I think group events that are no expectations and promotes consent can be fun to get to meet folks. This create safety and a safe space. I can be around like minded people and once that safe place is known, then I think that makes people feel safer.

And then, then have a different kind of meet up, you feel safer after knowing a person can handle themselves in public (each their own fantasy of course - if things are discussed before hand, many things are possible)

These are just a thought .

Read, Pause, Think, Pause, chec you understand, Pause, Clarify and then if you need to reply, go ahead;-)

Have we ever considered how can we make sure MALES feel safe in an online environment?? I wonder if the moderator has automatically assumed that males are fine and always feel safe online or do we not care?

The first responsibility in feeling safe anywhere I would suggest lies with the person aka in this case, females. So it would interesting to hear from them, what steps they have taken before coming online and whilst being online to feel safe and why??

Even before that and more important than the above,  it would be good for females to define what females are scared off and get some data as to whether it is occurr and prevelence or lack thereof. What one female might *** is not a *** for another. So we may well be in danger of creating a culture of *** that may not exist, may not be prevelant or is not clear what "***" actually is. In order to prescribe medication aka steps to feel safe, we must first have an accurately defined diagnosis of "what not feeling safe is and proven causes".

Merely as a suggestion, It would therefore seem that there is way too much focus and pandering to females which does not help them in understanding the realities of life let alone men so they can often wrongly get upset or criminalize male nature as a bad thing hence denying men the same freedom of expression and feeling safe in not being judged as they require.

1)ENCOURAGE HONESTY: So let start being more honest with females in how we speak and what we speak instead of the sweet talk/fluffy word that seems more plalatable or placating their feelings for *** of their negative reactions. Call a spade a spade instead of some fluffy alternative or constantly walking on eggshells around females like most guys are ***d to do [Do females even realize that last bit]??.

The more females realize and get accustomed to the fact that men and women are different and speak differently and neither is wrong etc, the more we can allow each other to be free to communicate freely without ***/being scared or cancel culture.

2) FEMALE EMPOWERMENT:  Encourage females to be proactive, search/browse for and start messaging men instead of just waiting for men to see their profiles and chase them. Its an equality age so kick entitlement feeling and that traditional "men must chase" line to curb. Female empowerment, take control, go out and message the man first.

3) RAISE PARTICULAR AHEAD OF TIME: If females have some mental health issues or suffer from axiety etc, state that on the female's profile so the person engaging her can know beforehand that they MAY [AGAIN, may]  have to factor that in how they approach or speak etc.

4) Mutual RESPECT: What does Respect mean to a man v What does Respect mean to a woman? Do both sides understand the other sides meaning?

Creating and encouraging an environment with OPEN HONEST COMMUNICATION WITHOUT CANCEL CULTURE, I suggest would allow both parties to be and feel safe in their interactions online. Lets live in reality/understanding of what objectively is not soley or just feelings driven;-p

Just my thought I. Making everyone feel safe. Men women and other
3 hours ago, DommeDelight said:

I have been requesting a safe chat for women only but no one is responding to the request.

Great idea, create a woman's only chat as well as a men's only chat. Simples. T

However, QUESTION: the whole point of the site and chat I'd imagine is to facilitate men and women who don't know each other but want to share kink or more to communicate with each other or discuss ideas, experience, get tips, understand more about the lifestyle etc? Open to correction though;-)

At this point, blocking is the best way. Not sharing anything too personal will definitely help for the safety part, but the harassment and many disturbing, scary and not respectful messages will never really stop, so blocking and reporting is the best way. Or completely ignoring them. I think you can filter who can send you messages, that can help as well.
The trick to speaking to women is treating them like you are genuinely interested in their lives and being very friendly as a safe space! After that, guess what... You keep doing it.

It's not hard to make us happy. We like genuine conversation/connection and its very obvious, very quickly when we're talking to someone who only wants one thing.

Greetings and compliments of the new week. First of all, you need to talk to verified users only. If he starts sending you unsolicited photos or demanding xxx photos from you upfront, that's a huge red flag for me. Passive aggressive writer. 2nd red flag. Once it’s utter, just speak up. 3rd red flag, never ever arrange a date at a stranger's house. Arrange meetings at hotels only! Be sure to have gone on a few dates with this person before indulging into anything sexual. Does this person really have feelings about you, or does he only see you as a piece of meat? Conduct some proper due diligence on this individual. Where does he work? Where does he live? As for a copy of his ID. All these things should be taken into account and considered when dating online. If you feel uncomfortable or threatened or pressured, feel free to cease all forms of communication with anybody attempting to date you. Seek immediate help from your local authorities in case of danger. A real man makes a woman comfortable and is willing to go above and beyond to accommodate and accomplish that. My humble opinion!
5 hours ago, typhoon2 said:

Ensure that there are consequences for poor behaviour. If members - usually, but not exclusivley male - *** no action then they'll continue to send inappropriate and/or unsolicited images, make crass comments, pester and so on. If a profile or memo or comment is reported, there should be confidence in the website and Mods acting swiftly and decisively. Time-outs, bans or even assistance with legal action should be assured and publicly-stated. It would also be advantageous if examples of unacceptable behaviour were posted clearly, so that there are no excuses.

"if members - usually..male, *** no actions". Which society do you live where men have an entitlement culture more than females? Can a male slap a female and get away with it? Nope. Can a female slap a male and not only get away with it but get protected? Err err..yes. so lets pause this pandering..lol

The site is built to cater to and protect females far more than men as without them, men would not be coming online so they are more protected as in society. Surely the more protected one is the one that *** consequences the least?

For example, if you a woman was rude to man online and a man was rude to  a woman online and you had to put *** on who would most likely suffer a consequence, who would it be? TIP: Its not the female;-) 

If female profiles and messages were scrutinize to impose consequences, half of most dating or kinky sites won't exist..ha ha

7 hours ago, PillowPrincess1 said:

Make it female led- place women as watchdog volunteers. RESPOND to reports etc etc

So might say Its already a female led place.  I may be wrong but I would bet that most of the moderators who respond to reports and comments are females or female friendly. When you are building a community that includes men and others how can it be female led only??

Suggestion: Lets building a community with both/all parties based on an honest understanding of each other. That sounds more like an community.

What about trans men? What can we do to make things safe for them too
Great thread, thanks for the knowledge. I'm brand new here and was curious how to conduct myself. I'm not outright vulgar or profane, and I enjoy the courting but this seems more of a hook up only group. Though this thread shed a lot of light. Stay safe ladies and have fun.
The question is a tough one. There's too much courage to hide behind a screen and vomit the most fowl things that can make those lesser humans get off. It's selfishness and immediate gratification that clouds judgment.
Since policing an entire app might be an uphill battle, it takes good men to call out the poor choices that make women feel unsafe and objectified, in a nonconsensual way.
4 hours ago, thenursered said:

It’s not just about physical safety when meeting offline it’s about creating a culture of safety while chatting, people can steal our pics, find us offline, and I often worry about my real life patients doing that. I think making everyone be verified, clearer chat rules, and the message filters actually working is a huge start.

This is a kinky sex community! We are all aware of this when we post pictures of ourselves here! We are all aware when we engage in chat! However again I will stress that the word "safe" in the question here is ambiguous. !!

I think there’s a lot of guys who really don’t understand what being a dom means,
Anyone who wants total control over your life is not a dom but likely a narcissist and a sociopath.
To be a good dom you have to gain the trust and respect of your sub.
I read a lot of comments and posts and a lot of them seem a little ***y 😬
Obviously the young ones are inexperienced. They think the higher the body count the more experience you have, or a trip to the local toy store means you're experienced. WRONG!!! If you don't know the proper verbage or have a decent set of rules (including safe word), then keep out.
Once they are secured with proper ropes restraints, and a ball gag. They are pretty safe. ;)
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