So you’re kinky, now what?
Coming out kinky and then accepting it, when you’ve been raised in a religious or very conservative household isn’t easy. When sex is shamed, let alone any exploration outside of missionary style intercourse, finding out what’s even hot can be a challenge. Yet most of the kinkiest people I know have come from these sorts of family and societal dynamics. You can explore without jumping right in.

The Guide to Coming Out Kinky & Accepting It


Coming out kinky tip #1: READ


One thing that helped me—though my fear of exploration came from being abused—was with reading stories and seeing if they turned me on. This meant I explored a lot of topics. Some more Dominant and submissive related, others being about rough sex, some on bondage. Then there’s fetishes… I explored many areas and found that most of them were hot for me in some way or another. I didn’t always know why they were hot, just that they were.

Fact or fiction:


I did a lot of reading in both fiction and nonfiction. Both are important because as I read the fiction and found it hot, a lot of it wasn’t realistic. Therefore, the nonfiction came in to explain how things should really happen. It was also helpful in figuring out the why portion. The books that helped me most were The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. As well as SM 101 by Jay Wiseman. For fiction, I suggest going to literotica.com or one of the other free sites, at least in the beginning.

Coming out kinky tip #2: Get out there!


Once you’ve explored with reading (and/or movies) and are fairly certain that you want to know more, that’s when I suggest asking around. While some venues can offer introductory courses and demonstrations, I’ve personally found this avenue riskier in the beginning. To start, try an internet search on kink/BDSM munches. Those are for meeting people and asking questions. No actual scenes take place. Chances are, you’ll find others there that have been raised in similar environments. Once you’ve met some good and trustworthy people, then find a venue to watch demos.

Slow and steady wins the race.


coming out kinkyIf you take things slow and gradually lower into kinky waters, you’re going to have an easier time adjusting. When we’ve been taught—brainwashed—to believe that enjoying ourselves sexually is sinful or inappropriate, we have to face our shame and guilt eventually. This is why talking to others that have been through similar situations is helpful. Because this kind of shame and guilt is nonsense and serves no purpose other than to make us feel bad.

Owning who we are is beautiful, and accepting ourselves divine in its own right. So try not to judge yourself. Instead, remain open to what you feel based on the things you read, discuss, and later witness or take part in. Accepting ourselves means we get to experience a level of joy free of the guilt and shame we’d walked around with previously.

In the end, it turns out that most of us are coming out kinky anway...


When we accept our kinky side, it means we get to be conscious about our choices rather than have that side sneak out in non-consensual ways. We get to express ourselves without judgment, have better sex, and more fun! In my experience, I’ve found almost everyone is kinky in some way. So be brave, explore, and experience the joy that comes with accepting and loving who you are!

 

Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.
Modelimage by Colourbox.com

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