When it comes to relationships, why settle for less? That's the view of this kinky Fetish.com member who thinks polyamory and polyamorous relationships could be the way to go. After all, why shouldn't you have multiple partners to fulfill your multiple needs and desires?


I know people who are polyamorous. For them, polyamory is more an orientation than a relationship style. I'm a serial monogamist. The longest I've been single in seven years is ten months. I'm a relationship type. I'm also a submissive.

It wasn't until recently that I realised for some, polyamory is a matter of circumstance.

Once, I had a boyfriend. He filled all the roles I crave having around me: friend, mentor, Dom, parental figure, love interest.

He contained all of the adjectives I would use to describe my, type: devious, charming, nerdy, quirky, intelligent, in charge, sexy. I needed and wanted nothing, no one else. After finding him, I assumed everyone's life partners did this for them.

Wrong.
 

Why settle for less?


People fear the phrase “settling for less,” but recent divorce rates imply that most of us do. Comfort and stability are a lot more alluring than spending decades searching/waiting for those one or two or three people who may be ultra compatible with us on every single level.

Don't get me wrong; It's possible to love someone, to care for and want to be with a person, who doesn't fill all of your needs. I would argue that it's not the same type of love that comes from being with the person you're supposedly destined for.

But it's a kind of love, one that stems from memorising the contours of your partner's face while she sleeps, staying up all night watching movies together, taking care of him when he's sick, and being around long enough to help her through tougher times.

Is leaving that person really worth the pursuit of the love we see in movies? What if we didn't have to?
 

Polyamorous and kinky


After my boyfriend had broken up with me, my friends encouraged me to date. I was quickly discouraged because I wasn't finding anyone like him, or rather, anyone that filled all those ideal roles.

Eventually, I hooked up with someone I didn't have any romantic interest in. We were drunk. The sex was horrible. But he said ridiculous things in response to the horrible sex, comical things. He was entertaining.

I ended up being allergic to his cat and left while he was sleeping. But a few weeks later, I came back. Not because I thought he was  “the one,” but because I wanted to hang out with him again. I found him interesting the same way I find friends interesting. We were also both horny and attracted to each other.

This may sound like a great set-up for friends with benefits, because it was, and that's what we became. Then, time passed. We became better friends.
 

Fulfilling all your needs


He had a major crisis I helped him through. His family came to town, and we all hung out. He moved to my neighbourhood, enabling us to see each other more frequently.

Six months later, we are undeniable fixtures in each other's lives. We cuddle and sleep together and do couple things. But we don't kiss on the lips because I don't feel that for him. I feel other things, like affection and care. My friends say, keep dating. Why? So I can find somebody else I'm only sort of compatible with? I have that already. There is no need to duplicate. But the fact remains: I'm not fuly satisfied. So, what's missing?

As many bottoms, submissives, and slaves can understand, being a sub isn't just about sex, it's about having someone who knows more - or at least - different things than you, someone you respect enough to follow his or her directions, someone you can comfortably turn your brain off around, and someone who commands that from you.

And I require that: not love, but dominance. I am multi-faceted. All of us are; humans have multiple needs.
 

Multiple needs, multiple partners


Why can't multiple people fill our needs? According to FetLife users, they can. FetLife's database lists 2,225 account holders who describe themselves as “poly” or “polyamorous.” That number doesn't even include users who identify as one of the 460 sub-fetishes that include “poly” in their titles.

If the guy I'm seeing (we'll call him *Jack), supplies me with X, Y, and Z, should I leave him just because he doesn't also supply me with W? There are tons of people out there who would be great at giving W but have no X, Y, or Z to offer. Wouldn't that make me, Jack, and the next guy a great trio?

Call me an idealist, but I like to think that all I desire is attainable, even if it requires the involvement of multiple parties. Polyamory necessitates that everyone gets their fill, be it from one, two, or more people. And consent. Consent is what differentiates polyamory from cheating.
 

Have you ever had a polyamorous relationship and did it work? Could you ever imagine yourself being in a relationship with two or more people? We'd love to know what you think on this one, so spill your thoughts below! And, if you're not yet a member of our sex positive, kinky Fetish.com community, then sign up for free here, too!

Main photo: George Kelly/Flickr

Sign-upo-now_-button.gif
 

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE

0 comments

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoticons maximum are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



There are no comments to display.

BDSM Magazine

Similar discussions