Content Warning: Discussion of consensual non-consent and forced sex play. Fetish.com does not condone sexual abuse of any kind, and this article is about consensual play between consenting adults, which could still be triggering for some members.
Control is one of the central tenets of BDSM. One of the most extreme examples of this is forced sex. How do you indulge in such risky and taboo role play in a consensual and kink-positive way? Victoria Blisse talks about emphasizing the play in play, and ensuring consent is explicit at every step.
What is consensual non-consent forced sex play?
Any kind of role play that involves forced sex (where the force is consented to beforehand) is known as consensual non-consent (CNC). You can read more about it in a previous article published on Fetish.com. This form of extreme BDSM play involves a lot of planning due to its inherent risks – both physically and psychologically.
How do you plan your scene?
It’s important to talk about any BDSM scene before it happens, and consensual non-consent scenes need in-depth planning to make sure everyone involved has a good time. You might give vague plans for certain times of the day, for example, where you don't plan a precise time for the play to take place; just a rough estimate.
There are three basic rules you need to have in place before your forced sex play scene:
- Discuss hard and soft limits
- Establish a safeword and non-verbal signs to stop play
- Arrange for aftercare needs
Where can you explore your forced sex play?
This type of kink is a particularly distressing form of play for many people. Therefore, it's best practice to keep it in the private realm. You might find the idea of forced sex in the wild exciting, but if you are caught, the person topping will be treated as a perpetrator of sexual assault.
If you want to try it at a fetish or sex club, you'll most likely be surrounded by a more understanding group of people, but make sure you inform everyone about what is happening. If you don't, you might find your play interrupted by those concerned about consent violations, or you may trigger serious stress responses from people who have experienced trauma. Be mindful of those around you – depictions of sexual abuse can cause severe damage. Assess the risk before deciding on your location every time.
How to make the scene work
During your forced sex play scene, the Dom is going to be responsible for how the situation plays out. If you’re the person in control, keep a close eye on your sub. Do they seem overly distressed? Have they gone non-communicative? Doms will have to judge whether the play should continue or be stopped. Think about adding some sexy questions to your scene, instead of breaking the sexual tension too soon.
“Oh, but you like this really, don’t you?”
“You are so turned on, I can feel it. You don’t want me to stop, really, do you?”
Similarly, if the prey notices hesitancy with the Top/s in the scene, they can speak up to check-in with too.
“You enjoy using me like this, don’t you?”
“You get off on my screams and whimpers, don’t you?”
Communication is key (as ever)
It's fundamental to accept that play can be stopped at any time, by anyone involved. It might be that the reality doesn’t fit the fantasy. Tops and bottoms should be able to pull out of the scene at the moment it becomes overwhelming or is no longer fun.
Aftercare is everything
Aftercare should start the moment play finishes. Make sure you have all you need – blankets, first aid kits, sweets, drinks etc. to hand. Sometimes cuddles, conversation and care after the scene is enough, but keep checking in with your partner/s for a little while afterwards as top and sub drop can happen well after the scene has ended.
If you make sure your forced sex play is following Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) standards, you can live out a fantasy safely and pleasurably.
Victoria Blisse is an erotic author, a sex-positive Reverend and part of Smut.UK who arranges events for curious and kinky people with a literary bent.
Do you have any hints or tips on how to make a forced sex play fantasy work? Share with others in the Fetish.com forum now! -min.jpg.8157d0bc304fefafc9618a1ca85f0174.jpg)
All images (unless otherwise stated) via Shutterstock
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