How do you know when to trust?

March 30, 2022

I’m having a dilemma. I have met someone from here, I had a great time, he was the perfect gentleman. Some questions that came up were, why don’t you show your face in your profile picture? Very valid and fair point. I used to share in private messages but I feel like I’m even getting closed off to that again. And I know why people want to at least see your face. But I’m still learning that this lifestyle is something I enjoy and I’m not confident talking about it. How do you know when to trust, to send a picture or have that initial meeting without ***ing someone on the other side is not who they say they are as it’s easier to talk the talk behind a keyboard. Appreciate all feedback.

March 31, 2022

Maybe they dont want to be associated with kink in real life? Maybe they are unsecure about their appearance? The best person to answer is the person you are talking to but what do you think their reason is?

The main question is whether they will ever want to be open with you or not.

March 31, 2022

Phone call or even better face time call, do one at an arranged time then call again without warning over the weekend or when you know they won’t be at work see what happens and how they react.

March 31, 2022

Use Snapchat to send pics if you catch them taking screenshots then something is not right you can make an account for just talking with people from here. Only you know when you are ready to meet and should be careful and not pushed into anything start with coffee or lunch meet somewhere public and trust your instincts.

March 31, 2022

I personally feel a verified face pic should be done within a few days chat, (if theres not one on the profile already) kinda once you know theres things in common and potential there.
It is important to see who you are talking to.
I do understand why people dont post a face pic for everyone to see x
Trust well that can come when you feel it with someone and in what ever way you need to gain it. I spend about a month chatting before i meet, this is all day every day chit chat about everything. I can trust enough to meet them but ultimate trust thats far harder to gain, thats from actions and keeping to their word.
Theres going to be people who are fake/trolls behind the keyboard but to get anywhere you have to take chances, most show themselves early. Ive just lost a friend of one year who i trusted (hand on heart i didnt trust completely due to lots of let downs) so it can happen even further down the line rather than just the first few months of still getting to know someone. It takes alot for me to trust but its amazing when you do find it in people 😊

March 31, 2022

We can’t put our faces out there for the world to see because of work reasons. We do not live in an accepting world. Or at least we can’t be sure our employers would look favourably on our extra-curricular activities 😉. I understand it can then be easy for liars and frauds to exploit the anonymity. It’s a tough one

March 31, 2022

It is very hard to know when to trust indeed. But I will just give you my perspective being on the other side of this chat. I have posted my pic and I don't mind as it's who I am and I don't care if I am being judged for it. At the same time, I do appreciate people not being very open or being afraid to show that in public in case a colleague or a friend finds out. But chatting with someone who have no profile pic and are unwilling to send one in private tells me that most probably they are not the person they claim to be. As for meeting in person, I think that's the best. You can easily meet for a one-hour coffee and see if there is that vibe in person. And I think everybody feels safe in a coffee shop with people around.

March 31, 2022

Trust is an instinctive thing mostly - and there's no rhyme or reason as to when it happens, with some it may be almost instantaneous, with others it may take time to develop.
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It's also multi-layered and people can move up and down the layers at any point based on various factors - for example I may trust someone enough to tell them my real name, but not show them my face but over time that level of trust to show them it may come.
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Ultimately though you have to go with what *you* are comfortable with, whether it be showing your face or getting naked with someone or anything else really.

March 31, 2022

For me personally i need to see a verified face pic before any trust can start, too many before have chatted away a week or so then gone when its mentioned. So i need it quite soon.

It cuts out quite a few fakes from the start. Im not good with selfies i admit but ive done half face with my username/date ect written on it, which will obviously match my profile pic.

Plus i have to be attracted to the person. Which is why i show my ugly mug up front so not a shock if i had to send a few days in 😂😂

March 31, 2022

Hello buffalo947.

I believe trust is earned through experience - not through set parameters - or a ticklist.

In the days before the internet, we would meet people at social gatherings, or in day to day living environments… schools, colleges, pubs, group sporting activities, dances etc… and would form an opinion of that person based on our social interactions with that person.
Eye contact, body language, and their behaviours toward and around others.. as examples.

The internet.
Internet ‘dating’, kink and fetish sites - are all two dimensional at best. A picture or photo actually tells us nothing about an individual - beyond what you as a person wants to perceive of them.
My profile picture is the real me - but it could just as easily be a picture of Tom Cruise - just for example.. and then you would have a dilemma.
“Is he actually the REAL Tom Cruise” ??
Unlikely …. But ……???
Would that make me more or less interesting to people on here ?
Would people start contacting me because they thought I actually was he ?
Would they choose not to contact me - even block me, because they didn’t like his on-screen persona - or they assumed I was a fake?.

My advice is this.

Read a persons profile thoroughly, their likes and dislikes, kinks and fetishes.
Look at how they write. Is the content appealing to you ?
Strike up a conversation… by message.
If you like what they have to say, actually arrange to speak to them - by phone.

There are chat platforms where you don’t have to reveal your phone number or identity in any way.

This is how I met my most regular sub partner. We messaged on day one, spoke on the phone on day two, and she exchanged a face photo after that. Patience can sometimes be rewarded.

Once you have had that conversation, maybe a video call ?
Or ask for a picture then?

Pictures, do NOT tell a thousand words - as the saying suggests.

Words do.

And from those words, comes the trust you seek.
Human intuition is a wonderful thing - but the internet frequently denies us the opportunity to employ it.

I hope that all makes sense ?

DarkArts.

March 31, 2022

We all have our ways doing things, i personally dont do phone calls, i dont do video chat. Im like that in life in general, i only make a phone call if i have to, never to chit chat. Im not confident on video call, not even with very close friends. If someone needs that for verification or to gain trust then im not for them, same if they dont want to send me a verified pic, they arnt for me. People will red flag me for this i understand that, its a confidence thing for me x

March 31, 2022

37 minutes ago, DarkArts1066 said:

Hello buffalo947.

I believe trust is earned through experience - not through set parameters - or a ticklist.

In the days before the internet, we would meet people at social gatherings, or in day to day living environments… schools, colleges, pubs, group sporting activities, dances etc… and would form an opinion of that person based on our social interactions with that person.
Eye contact, body language, and their behaviours toward and around others.. as examples.

The internet.
Internet ‘dating’, kink and fetish sites - are all two dimensional at best. A picture or photo actually tells us nothing about an individual - beyond what you as a person wants to perceive of them.
My profile picture is the real me - but it could just as easily be a picture of Tom Cruise - just for example.. and then you would have a dilemma.
“Is he actually the REAL Tom Cruise” ??
Unlikely …. But ……???
Would that make me more or less interesting to people on here ?
Would people start contacting me because they thought I actually was he ?
Would they choose not to contact me - even block me, because they didn’t like his on-screen persona - or they assumed I was a fake?.

My advice is this.

Read a persons profile thoroughly, their likes and dislikes, kinks and fetishes.
Look at how they write. Is the content appealing to you ?
Strike up a conversation… by message.
If you like what they have to say, actually arrange to speak to them - by phone.

There are chat platforms where you don’t have to reveal your phone number or identity in any way.

This is how I met my most regular sub partner. We messaged on day one, spoke on the phone on day two, and she exchanged a face photo after that. Patience can sometimes be rewarded.

Once you have had that conversation, maybe a video call ?
Or ask for a picture then?

Pictures, do NOT tell a thousand words - as the saying suggests.

Words do.

And from those words, comes the trust you seek.
Human intuition is a wonderful thing - but the internet frequently denies us the opportunity to employ it.

I hope that all makes sense ?

DarkArts.
Expand

Absolutely perfectly said!

March 31, 2022

As said by @DarkArts1066 you cannot tell anything by a picture. I put my pics on here because I’m not bothered who knows that I’m not into the ordinary but each to their own. If someone sees my pics then what are they doing on here in the first place other than to maybe be exploring themselves??

I think having a conversation on the phone can tell you more about a person than endless chatting. After that then maybe a video call.
With trust, I really believe it’s hit and miss, although, if someone doesn’t want to chat on the phone after a while of messaging then I’d question their honesty. Trust your instincts. I’ve known people for years I thought I could trust but have been proven wrong so I just prefer to go with the flow. It’s all you can do.

March 31, 2022

Thank you everyone for the feedback. So many great ideas here without sharing any pictures until a lot more trust is gained.

March 31, 2022

Well said @kaycie … 100% agree

April 2, 2022

Always videochat! You'll be blessed that way and both know that they are talking with someone genuine

April 2, 2022

They want to see your photos right away but put up their 10 even 15 years old photos of themselves. You cant trust to man like that, he will more likely lie about his age too, or say anything to get fun with young woman. I know all their lame games.

April 18, 2022

I’d like to say hi and I believe that you have to trust yourself when is when and if at all , it’s a feeling like you might be doing something wrong but truly one persons freak is another persons dream