Can someone learn to be a Dom

[Am****]

Hi all. My question is . I love the idea of having a sub but I'm not very Dom at all. But the idea intrigues me . Can you become Dom ?

[Mr****]

It's in you it can't really be taught in my opinion

[Deleted Member]

Yes but it will be hard for you

[ea****]

Ya can be taught… but it will never be natural

[JohnyD6801]

In my experience I'd say absolutely! Like with some things your good when you start or you may suck haha but if it's something you like then absolutely practice makes perfect . My advice would be start by thinking about things you like and what kind of dom style you wanna have are you daddy ? An owner? Which type would you say you are then go exploring from there : )

[Lord_Talion]

You can be taught how to be something you're not, but this requires an inate skill within your personality in order to do it well and in the end if you do not possess that skill you end up harming the both of you

[Dr****]

Well the question is why do you want to be a Dom?

Look into different types of Dom or styles for example…

Service Dom, Pleasure Dom, etc…

Find which style appeals to you and embrace it, research and read and go to trainings. Talk to other Doms, join groups dedicated to Doms or that style of Domming.

Talk to your sub, find out what they want out of the D/s relationship, have a sit down meeting at first (with no power exchange during the meeting and full open communication about any issues, needs etc) and never punish or hold it against them for what they bring up.

Ask your sub what Dom things you do naturally you can embrace.

Hope this helps and good luck!

[Deleted Member]

You absolutely can. Doms and subs come in all shapes and sizes. You can be whatever kind of dom you want to be.

Being a dom means you are in control. There's no certain way you have to be though. That's the point of it in my opinion. It's what you want.

[Deleted Member]

I will also add, that once you figure out what kind of dom you want to be, you need to find a sub that is a good fit for you as well.

Subs have their own needs and you need to make sure your style of dom fits your subs needs

[Mi****]

Agreed gentlemen.
I think it’s ingrained in a person from birth, or if not birth then from early in juvenile development.
It’s something you will have exhibited throughout your life.
In your relationships with others, your attitudes towards others, and your understanding of yourself.

However.
With that as a basic knowledge. You can always and every day, develop, learn, progress and educate yourself to improve as a Dom.
To become better, to understand the life.

Aside from that.
Every relationship is different.
Every sub is different.
As a Dom you must be pliable, open to change and to develop.

Just my tuppence’orth.

[ar****]

Of course and if you can’t I’ll have to spank you??!!!

[ea****]

But to be honest… as a dom … it is always about learning the needs and wants… as well as limits of a sub

[le****]

Yeah I'd say so, I'd say the boys are right in that it's a part of you. But you have the inclination so I don't see why not. But I would say for me it feels less like a skill and more like accessing or unlocking a part of my personality. I haven't googled it. But that's where I'd start. And then I'd try some of things I list below if that doesn't help.

Obviously I don't go through life constantly asserting my dominance that would be sociopathic. But with kink and certain individuals I can access that side of myself. It can get hard to form dynamics as it's only a portion of my personality and so if I'm feeling too chilled out or tired to be as controlling, focused and dominant I won't respond to new potential subs until I'm in dom space as it were.

But to help this I have found things that work for me I. E
1.bratty subs bring it out more for me.
2. Softer subs don't need that level of assertion/aggression so that's a good option.
3.Making playlist of songs you recognise bring that mentality out in you.
4.Maybe even clothes aswell. Anything that makes you feel like a boss!!
5. Working out, but not so intensely that you burn yourself out yknow.
6. Yoga. And grounding
7. Slow deep breathing 🙄I know. But seriously, using youre awareness to breathe deep into your balls, dropping your diaphragm, really expanding your lower abdomen and then when you talk. 'say it with your chest' but softly so it's assertive not aggressive.


Other things I would recommend would be
DO YOUR RESEARCH. I can't stress how important that is. You'll be surprised what you don't know.
And finally be authentic/open/transparent. Be bold when writing your profile. The people here are here for similar reasons and interests as yourself. There's no need to be coy. It's the most common complaint I get from women on here is how boring, uninspiring and empty guys profiles are.

I hope atleast some of this helps 👍

[Deleted Member]

My ex brought it out of me. She wanted to experiment. I was hesitant at first

But once I got to learn the ropes. And pay attention to her cues, and have a good conversation about limits, and what she was looking for. Then it was great. I have continued practicing as a dom,
But only after limits are discussed.

[St****]

No, not right out of the gate. I can’t judge you or discern how you are in and out side of the lifestyle. Being dominant in one or the either assumes you take ownership and responsibility as well as the risks and consequences. Old school would have you believe that you start as a submissive and “learn the ropes.” I would somewhat agree. With that being said, if your curiosity is leaning more towards let’s do this might I suggest obtaining a seasoned mentor first. What needs to always be thought through is to keep on reminding yourself sane, safe and consensual for starters until it’s innate and there’s a confidence that you’re not stumbling around and irreparable injure someone or yourself. This might look cool in porn but when you’re driving someone to the ER you will think to yourself. I’ve worked in the medical field at the hospital for over 22 years and know why quite a few of us kinksters are admitted to the ER. Everyone should be keen on why this is and study up before a scene you’re unfamiliar with and talk to a mentor and the people involved in the scene (negotiation) beforehand and afterwards (aftercare).

You’re in the right place and keep the questions coming. I’ve been a Master, Dom and Daddy over 20 years and still have a mentor and ask questions. Scuttlebutts.

[Si****]

Yes but being dom isn’t all caveman aggressive either, it’s more so the ultimate respect and trust so be a good person you can be a dom if you want but have to be honest and open as well

[Sophie58]

OK, I’m going to dive in here. I am a happy unapologetic sub. And I also switch for recreation … I am very capable of topping another and enjoy it immensely. But… it throws me into subspace when I do it. I have no appreciation of Dom space. It’s not me. 
I absolutely agree with the other comments here encouraging you to explore the dom side and understanding there are many different types of Dom. It’s a rich and beautiful field. Also… you might be a sub switch. Just enjoy the journey of self exploration. We all have your back!

[ge****]

I think a lot depends on your motivation to be a dominant - if you've seen some BDSM porn and thought "I'll have some of that" then the chances of you being sufficiently motivated in the "right" way are minimal and chances are your actual interest in learning will be similar.
.
If however it appeals for other reasons, perhaps through articles and blogs you have read and maybe some innate "feeling" then it's certainly possible but needs to come from within.
.
My advice to you would be to spend some time on self-reflection and thinking about what truly appeals to you, what kind of domination appeals etc, read as much as you can on the subject, even get along to events and munches to observe and interact with others, but not to participate in play, be open and honest with others and learn about yourself first and foremost.

[ea****]

I appreciate that he asked… so I give him credit. The whole concept of bdsm is trust, honesty, and communication. You have to have those way before you ever dominate someone.. hopefully the sub has lived the lifestyle… just be honest and ask what she needs/wants… that is the beginning. After that y’all can feel your way through it

[ea****]

But understand that no matter what the “scene” entails.. always provide after care and affection… softly rub her, provide her a drink, bathe her, tell her what turned you on about the scene, or how sexy she was during the scene. It ain’t about you, but her needs

[Dee_n_Jay]

Well as most here have commented the answer is yes and no. I would say that that you do have it in you because you are intrigued and want to know more, so the learning part will bring out the Dom part of your psyche, in whatever form it takes for you.

[ey****]

So, in short - yes

In long

Being a Dominant is a broad term which can apply to a number of different roles which are all valid.  The question is where are you now and where do you want to be?

For example, a stern disciplinarian is different to a caregiver.

In general whilst upbringing can do a lot of things, like shape personality or pick up some transferable skills - there's some stuff it can't do by magic.  So a lot of skills within kink and BDSM are learnt anyway.    No one can say they're a "born Dominant" or whatever (even if genetics can shape a little) and then automatically give a perfect caning, or be an expert rigger, or truly understand a subs wants/needs/desires without further learning.

 

[Deleted Member]

Best to say you're curious about domship. Here in real life. Plenty people want to be subs here but are new to it or curious. You would see it on their profile. Put it on yours. No harm in that. Chat to them honestly and say you'd like to experiment to see if you like it. Better to do that here rather than have ED at the point of penetration IRL. Good luck.

[Deleted Member]

The answers vary between yes, no and it has to be in your character. Hopefully the experts present have answered your question satisfactorily.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, Patrick_Nl said:

The answers vary between yes, no and it has to be in your character. Hopefully the experts present have answered your question satisfactorily.

To be honest with the level of detail provided by the OP the answers were always going to be broad - but there's plenty of commonality across the majority of the responses for the OP to take something from it, should he want to.