Dominant female and submissive males

[si****]

I am convinced findom and people looking for pay pigs are only in BDSM to make the *** so they can sit on their ass on not have to work.

[gift_of_beli]

On 2/20/2024 at 12:14 AM, ThaliaV said:

Submission has nothing to do with lacking a spine and it also has nothing to do with weakness. 

The kink dispenser seeking is pure selfishness, only thinking about what they want and not having any care or concern about contributing or what their partner might want. 

To the several other comments by others. Dominant women aren't actually all that uncommon and there would be more if it actually benefited them. They're difficult to find because of the typical behavior of so many who seek them. 

I agree on all counts. I have made my mistakes,leant my lessons and whilst far from the finished article ( and hope I'm never finished ) I totally agree about behaviours. People first is what matters....treat how you wish to be treated with respect kindness and honesty....the rest will likely follow

[ed****]

My ex mother in law got me crazed about older dominant ladies. She is truly wicked and uses me whenever she likes.

[no****]

Totally agreed with you. Not sure why females doesn't desire to be in control in bed.

[de****]

I wish I knew the answer as I’m iso one myself so I’m thinking dominate females should try to take on more than just one sub .

[Sh****]

That right there is part of the problem, sure some women might be poly, but telling a Dom what they should do shows you’re a little misguided

[Th****]

21 hours ago, ShyJay33 said:

That right there is part of the problem, sure some women might be poly, but telling a Dom what they should do shows you’re a little misguided

It goes back to what so many of us say. If it actually benefited us, there would be more of us, and we'd be easier to find. So many men say they're submissive with their words but their actions and behaviors demonstrate what they actually want is a service top. 

[ey****]

On 3/10/2024 at 12:21 PM, denver6977 said:

I wish I knew the answer as I’m iso one myself so I’m thinking dominate females should try to take on more than just one sub .

I know Dommes who do this

and subs who can't handle it

because they see new subs being added after them as a threat, or something which squeezes their time

they also see the new relationship energy and get jealous instead of excited/happy 

[ey****]

On 2/26/2024 at 4:37 AM, norwalk20449 said:

Totally agreed with you. Not sure why females doesn't desire to be in control in bed.

they do

but if it's playing out a male fantasy, are they *actually* in control ? (this gets a lot more deeper - but - this is why so many women are offput) 

[Co****]

This isn’t new. It appears to be how people are wired. In 1994 The Loving Dominant noted that in the BDSM community dominant men outnumber submissive women, submissive women outnumber submissive men, and submissive men outnumber dominant women. That does not appear to have changed. Dominant women are rare gems.

[Ma****]

I am a Domme and what my experience has been is not finding any subs near me

[Th****]

10 hours ago, Mawawicha said:

I am a Domme and what my experience has been is not finding any subs near me

Agreed, there really aren't as many submissive men as they claim. Whenever I do come across a genuine one here they're rarely close enough to me. 

It would benefit aspiring sub men to focus on *being* what a Domme might be looking for rather than searching for a Domme. If they did that, then built a good profile and put themselves in spaces where they can be noticed both online and in person at events and munches then the Dommes would find *them* 

There are many more women who are Dominant or who are switches who would be interested out there than they realize.  It's the overly thirsty, desperate fantasy seeking behavior that *** many into hiding. Then they complain about the only women willing talk to them wanting payment in order to put up with them. If that's all they're finding, they have no one to blame but themselves. 

[sm****]

You guys are speaking absolute truths‼️‼️

[ge****]

40 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Agreed, there really aren't as many submissive men as they claim. Whenever I do come across a genuine one here they're rarely close enough to me. 

It would benefit aspiring sub men to focus on *being* what a Domme might be looking for rather than searching for a Domme. If they did that, then built a good profile and put themselves in spaces where they can be noticed both online and in person at events and munches then the Dommes would find *them* 

There are many more women who are Dominant or who are switches who would be interested out there than they realize.  It's the overly thirsty, desperate fantasy seeking behavior that *** many into hiding. Then they complain about the only women willing talk to them wanting payment in order to put up with them. If that's all they're finding, they have no one to blame but themselves. 

While I agree with much of that - I'd actually disagree with the "focus on *being* what a Domme might be looking for" part - as it might suggest to some that they should try and fit themselves to a Domme and her profile rather than being authentically themselves and the submissive they are, accepting that their submissive may not fit what a specific Domme is looking for, but *may* appeal to another Domme.
.
Would be far better if submissive men did some self-analysis and truly understood themselves and their desires to be able to articulate them as genuinely them rather than *** fit into a box of someone else's making.
.
As a male submissive myself, I know I will not be to everyone's flavour but I also shan't compromise my version of my submission for the sake of having a Domme any Domme.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

While I agree with much of that - I'd actually disagree with the "focus on *being* what a Domme might be looking for" part - as it might suggest to some that they should try and fit themselves to a Domme and her profile rather than being authentically themselves and the submissive they are, accepting that their submissive may not fit what a specific Domme is looking for, but *may* appeal to another Domme.
.
Would be far better if submissive men did some self-analysis and truly understood themselves and their desires to be able to articulate them as genuinely them rather than *** fit into a box of someone else's making.
.
As a male submissive myself, I know I will not be to everyone's flavour but I also shan't compromise my version of my submission for the sake of having a Domme any Domme.

Of course you're right, I shouldn't make such comments before proper amounts of caffeine. I can see how I worded it could very well be interpreted that way and I'm sure you probably figured what I actually meant since you know me but your clarification is good for readers. 

What I meant, and should have said was focus inward. Do some introspection, work on the self awareness and do the work towards personal growth and being a whole, healthy and good human. I feel that only saying "be yourself" isn't quite enough because some people's "selves" aren't very good people. Authenticity is vital but also work on yourself. Literally everyone on the planet has room for healing and growth, *EVERYONE*

People who have done and are working hard to do this work are *very* attractive. 

[ey****]

yeah - I think

it's important nobody (sub/Domme/whoever) sacrifices their authentic self in the hopes of getting what they want - this never ends well

but I feel - assessing attitude and approach goes a long way.  Sometimes the - how does this benefit the other person ?  While also taking initiative - there's a group elsewhere about pegging and most weeks there's at least one guy who is "I always wanted to try - will someone show me?" and like, they don't own any toys, or dildos, or douche, or learnt how to clean or do anal training - and it's like : so you want to meet a woman who is into pegging who is going to hold your hand through hygiene who, presumably already owns a large selection of toys that she's paid for over the years - but oh she can't have used them with anyone else as that would be weird - like they're just sitting there waiting for a rando to go "peg me" and it's like... you can't see how this is a bad deal?

Like. she meets you and you haven't cleaned properly and you don't like it so you end up running away disliking the experience and she literally is left cleaning up s**t - sorry, sidetracked there - but you get what I mean? 

[Th****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yeah - I think

it's important nobody (sub/Domme/whoever) sacrifices their authentic self in the hopes of getting what they want - this never ends well

but I feel - assessing attitude and approach goes a long way.  Sometimes the - how does this benefit the other person ?  While also taking initiative - there's a group elsewhere about pegging and most weeks there's at least one guy who is "I always wanted to try - will someone show me?" and like, they don't own any toys, or dildos, or douche, or learnt how to clean or do anal training - and it's like : so you want to meet a woman who is into pegging who is going to hold your hand through hygiene who, presumably already owns a large selection of toys that she's paid for over the years - but oh she can't have used them with anyone else as that would be weird - like they're just sitting there waiting for a rando to go "peg me" and it's like... you can't see how this is a bad deal?

Like. she meets you and you haven't cleaned properly and you don't like it so you end up running away disliking the experience and she literally is left cleaning up s**t - sorry, sidetracked there - but you get what I mean? 

Totally get what you mean because that's how the majority of "submissive" men I've encountered on this site are about BDSM and kink as a whole. They want someone to "train" them. Ie spoon feed them everything from go because they've done absolutely zero self education because watching porn doesn't count. That is only going to get them 2 things... rejection and women saying "fine, then pay me" because that's a lot of WORK. 

 

I'd also like to add as a note because I've come across it quite a lot recently. 

Being a sub man doesn't = being pegged. It's not inherent and it's not required, I'm way less interested in it most men believe. 

Edited April 4 by ThaliaV

[Sh****]

 Understanding your own kinks, limits, and how to play safely and hygienically, should be step one for anyone looking to get into BDSM, but that would be common sense apparently not so common these days. 

[ey****]

10 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Totally get what you mean because that's how the majority of "submissive" men I've encountered on this site are about BDSM and kink as a whole. They want someone to "train" them. Ie spoon feed them everything from go because they've done absolutely zero self education because watching porn doesn't count. That is only going to get them 2 things... rejection and women saying "fine, then pay me" because that's a lot of WORK. 

absolutely - the whole concept of "I'm a blank slate, mould me to your desires" isn't the selling point people think it is.  Especially when desires isn't (always) sexy fun times.   I am going back a fair few years, but in discussions because someone had been frustrated as she had had a sub approach her in such a manor, and she had said yes - and barely two weeks in he'd decided this wasn't for him after all and upped and left.  There were other ladies in this conversation and for some it'd been a constant daily challenge for weeks, others the guy about turned after days.   

I was out for drinks a couple of years ago with a lady who had had a guy beg and beg and beg to be her live in slave and she actually came to an agreement - they discussed everything, agreed it - and he moved in.  Lasted... three days.   

In each case the mistake the ladies had made was spending time on someone unwilling to spend time on themselves. 

10 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

Being a sub man doesn't = being pegged. It's not inherent and it's not required, I'm way less interested in it most men believe. 

yep, absolutely.   I think actually most deemed submissive activities (pegging, foot worship, etc) aren't really or exclusively submissive.  I say this as someone with a foot fetish who loves pegging.   

And... ugh... in some cases the thought of being pegged as being submissive comes down to their own attitudes to sex and often shades of misogyny  

[Th****]

4 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yep, absolutely.   I think actually most deemed submissive activities (pegging, foot worship, etc) aren't really or exclusively submissive.  I say this as someone with a foot fetish who loves pegging.   

And... ugh... in some cases the thought of being pegged as being submissive comes down to their own attitudes to sex and often shades of misogyny  

I agree, as I'm sure you know from when I've mentioned similar things before. 

What I've seen a lot of here recently is more along the lines of "I don't switch ever because I don't want to have to be pegged" like switching, bottoming, being submissive absolutely means that's a requirement. 😒

[ey****]

1 hour ago, ThaliaV said:

What I've seen a lot of here recently is more along the lines of "I don't switch ever because I don't want to have to be pegged" like switching, bottoming, being submissive absolutely means that's a requirement. 😒

stuff like that is nuts also

like, I switch - but there's stuff I enjoy to the left of the slash I wouldn't do on the right.  and vice versa 

[Th****]

11 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

stuff like that is nuts also

like, I switch - but there's stuff I enjoy to the left of the slash I wouldn't do on the right.  and vice versa 

It goes back to the whole ignorance and fixed incorrect preconceived ideas about how things are or must be. As well as *everyone* is allowed and *should have* limits. There's a whole heck of a lot of things I'd rather do before I'd want to play with someone's a**.

[SirsLilMousey]

Most seem to be fake or trying to make a quick buck because tik tok has said how easy it is to make cash through it. Hope you find someone soon

[Jo****]

Don't care to cash in rather give show just for some ones pleasure

[Co****]

There's a big difference between what someone identifies as, and what they actually enjoy.

A lot of male "Doms" for example, aren't well versed or experienced in the role, and end up desperately pursuing females. Not very appealing for subs, but for Dommes it might be appealing because their actual behavior is (consciously or not) reminiscent of begging and worship.

While their behavior obviously needs to be improved, the FemDoms I know have found supposedly "dominant" males to be excellent subs and slaves. If you're up for the challenge of training a new sub or even breaking a slave, I might suggest giving some less experienced Doms a try and see if they're open to experimenting.

Most will probably just be happy someone is touching their junk, regardless of the circumstances 😂