Heterosexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, transsexual, these are words that I’d heard most of my life. Some more in adulthood than youth, but still, they are words I know. Many of us know these words, yet just because there are labels, that doesn’t mean one size fits all. A term slipping its way into conversation more and more these days is pansexuality. I'll explain a bit more about what it is and how it's helped me on my sexual path.

 

Demystifying Fetishes

Pansexuality Explained


For years I struggled fitting into communities. I’m not hetero, so didn’t fit with that crowd. I didn’t fit with the bisexuals either, though they are certainly easier than most groups. I’m attracted to all types of people no matter what gender they claim or sexual preference they lean toward. When I’m drawn to someone it’s because I’m attracted to who they are on a soul level. Not their body or gender.

A lot of groups don’t like this. I went to a couple lesbian bars and I was met with ridicule because I had a husband that I desired just as much as my female partners. I was insulted and labeled as merely ‘playing’ with women. As if it were an exploration or popular claim.

I left the lesbian bar scene, the trans bar too since I was met with just as much opposition there, and finally found my comfort in the kink community. They embraced me and accepted me for who I was. They didn’t try to fit me in a box and keep me there. This is also where I learned what I really am. Finally, I had a label that fit me… pansexual.

Finally, my sexuality found a home...

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It took a little while for the word to get around. I began sharing that I was pansexual and people looked at me with raised brows.  Sometimes they still do. But this is who I am, so I’m vocal about it and speak out. I have to say, though, that I still haven’t found a group specifically for pansexuals. This isn’t something just pansexuals struggle with either. A lot of groups do. Whether it’s because of gender identity or sexual preference, it seems if you are not clearly marked hetero or gay, finding acceptance is difficult.

Since I found approval in the kink community, I often suggest it even for vanilla folks. Because in that community most of us understand that our desires are vital to our happiness and we tend not to judge. To each their own mentality. Kinky folks embraced me even when I didn’t fully understand who I was and what I was about yet.

Speaking at conventions, writing about my sexuality, sharing that I’m pansexual, all of these things have helped me find peace with myself. As it turns out, there are a lot of people embracing the pansexuality label. So by speaking out and being proud of who we are, we make way for others to understand themselves and embrace who they are too.

 

Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.

 


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