How to approach people on site

[SammyB]

Afternoon everyone 

I once again return to the topic of approaching people on site especially in private messages 

I would love a cross section of the community to share their views and expectations  on what is and is not acceptable in their opinion 

is it different because it’s online? 
I’d love to hear your thoughts 

Sx 

 

 

 

[ey****]

There's a couple of threads still active on this

one here

 one here :

 

 

 

[SP****]

Oooh id love to hear people's views on this. Im new to it all so very curious on the do's and donts

[MissCrystal]

I like ball blasting is not a Good Hello... In my opinion.. 🙄

[SammyB]

14 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

There's a couple of threads still active on this

one here

 one here :

 

 

 

Thank you for sharing xx 

[Deleted Member]

I feel you on this one, wish meeting people was as easy as it sounds

[SammyB]

1 minute ago, Kanden said:

I feel you on this one, wish meeting people was as easy as it sounds

I have met loads of lovely people on site and have developed some wonderful friendships along the roads over the last three years

I’m just flabbergasted to be honest sometimes how I am approached in private messages 

I can assure you there are some very lovely genuine  likeminded folk on site 

Sx 

 

[Ch****]

I can't believe the rudeness of some of the messages I receive on sites like this. Assuming things about me, calling me derogatory names, and telling me what I'll do, making demands etc...when I point out I've not consented to this, I'm apparently a terrible sub and won't make it far in this lifestyle.

Saying that, I've also had some lovely conversations with a wide variety of interesting people who have been nothing but polite and respectful.

I tend not to approach on site myself, because I'm quite shy. But if I were it'd be polite and respectful, with a general brief message and an opening of why I was interested in that particular person. It's usually because something on their profile has caught my eye and I'd like another perspective on it.

[SammyB]

8 minutes ago, Charli3 said:

I can't believe the rudeness of some of the messages I receive on sites like this. Assuming things about me, calling me derogatory names, and telling me what I'll do, making demands etc...when I point out I've not consented to this, I'm apparently a terrible sub and won't make it far in this lifestyle.

Saying that, I've also had some lovely conversations with a wide variety of interesting people who have been nothing but polite and respectful.

I tend not to approach on site myself, because I'm quite shy. But if I were it'd be polite and respectful, with a general brief message and an opening of why I was interested in that particular person. It's usually because something on their profile has caught my eye and I'd like another perspective on it.

Charli lovely as you know we have shared the same experiences often , it’s seems to be the “ norm” for many sadly 

Sx 

[Deleted Member]

See whether it’s here or a dating site etc, I would never go in with something outrageous . I think if you’re not likely to say it to someone in the street or in another public setting, why say it here? That said, I don’t have much luck with a ‘hello, how is your week going?’ Lol

[SammyB]

4 minutes ago, Lost_at_Sea said:

See whether it’s here or a dating site etc, I would never go in with something outrageous . I think if you’re not likely to say it to someone in the street or in another public setting, why say it here? That said, I don’t have much luck with a ‘hello, how is your week going?’ Lol

Well we definitely agree there 

if you wouldn’t do it in a bar club pub street etc don’t do it in chat 

I do think many feel the approach they are using is being Dominant 

Sadly it’s the furthest from the truth 

thanks for taking the time to respond 

Sx 

[typhoon2]

Respect is earned and an initial memo is where the earning starts. I think crass memos are very useful as they filter out the idiotic dim-Doms from the start. There is only one chance to make a first impression.

I would caution however that engaging with people who send blatantly inappropriate messages is merely feeding trolls. Ignore and block them. If you feel that's it's unfair to simply ignore a message then place key provisos in profiles - if the author of a memo doesn't fit certain criteria or mentions off-limits subjects or assumes ownership (whatever the profile owner's pet ***ve is) then state clearly that they will be ignored. If they choose to sidestep your limits then a) they're an appalling kinkster and b) there is no moral requirement to reply.

[SammyB]

3 minutes ago, typhoon2 said:

Respect is earned and an initial memo is where the earning starts. I think crass memos are very useful as they filter out the idiotic dim-Doms from the start. There is only one chance to make a first impression.

I would caution however that engaging with people who send blatantly inappropriate messages is merely feeding trolls. Ignore and block them. If you feel that's it's unfair to simply ignore a message then place key provisos in profiles - if the author of a memo doesn't fit certain criteria or mentions off-limits subjects or assumes ownership (whatever the profile owner's pet ***ve is) then state clearly that they will be ignored. If they choose to sidestep your limits then a) they're an appalling kinkster and b) there is no moral requirement to reply.

Thank you for replying and I agree on all counts 

Sx 

 

[Scuba_fetishist]

I'm always keen to chat with people so send quite a few messages out. I'm always polite and courteous (or at least hope I come across like that) but often get nil response despite reading profiles and referring to them in the message. Of course, nil response is a choice and I respect that, but a simple thank you for your interest but no thank you would seem courteous. Perhaps it's because when someone responds to a message that opens the floodgates for more messages? Otherwise it's the standard wait 90 days until you can send another message.

[Go****]

Firstly I would like to say I have met a lot of lovely people on the site and enjoy being here but.....

There are far too many rude, crass and absolute ludicrous messages that just get really irritating and become so boring like the Fakedoms wanting you to call them Sir within two seconds and two words of conversation.

The ones who expect tasks when they haven't even bothered to read your profile and the list would go on.

 

I like to actually get to know the person as that's where a connection starts and then a connection might actually lead to a meet which then might actually result in some sort of play or dynamic.

 

Would you go up to a stranger in a shop and ask them if they like Anal, I really don't think so unless you wanted a good slap or a kick in the bollocks.

 

RESPECT goes a long way 

[SammyB]

1 minute ago, Dee1111 said:

Firstly I would like to say I have met a lot of lovely people on the site and enjoy being here but.....

There are far too many rude, crass and absolute ludicrous messages that just get really irritating and become so boring like the Fakedoms wanting you to call them Sir within two seconds and two words of conversation.

The ones who expect tasks when they haven't even bothered to read your profile and the list would go on.

 

I like to actually get to know the person as that's where a connection starts and then a connection might actually lead to a meet which then might actually result in some sort of play or dynamic.

 

Would you go up to a stranger in a shop and ask them if they like Anal, I really don't think so unless you wanted a good slap or a kick in the bollocks.

 

RESPECT goes a long way 

Couldn’t agree more Dee and as we both know from experience this isn’t a once off with one member 

we often share similar inbox stories lol and it the sane repeat offenders 

Sx 

[Go****]

9 minutes ago, SammyB said:

Couldn’t agree more Dee and as we both know from experience this isn’t a once off with one member 

we often share similar inbox stories lol and it the sane repeat offenders 

Sx 

Lol it is like we have the same inbox haha xx

[dizzydeano69]

I agree with you both Sammy and dee..
A connection is made first of all through an inbox.. but to me that msg and onwards communications is getting to know the person, as a person... It's not hard to be polite and just have a normal decent conversation as you would if you met in a bar .. what follows after that (and a long way off for me after speaking for a while I would say) is what your actually into, and if someone wants you to call them sir, or wants tasks for you to do after 5 mins of chatting to me, means absoluty nothing.. to me it's letting me know it's someone that's just here for a quick fix of sexual horniness and not here for the long haul to be able to actually meet someone for real..
Me for one would want to get to know that person inside and out, likes dislikes, their daily life as they go along there business, kids, or just chat about everyday things to ascertwether you would both be compatible to start with.. it's a connection you need to make first off.. not just jump straight into a makeshift scenario and think that's it, your my sun from now on.. it just doesn't work like that..
It's nice just to be polite and always have that respect for whoever you do end up chatting to..
But that's just my opinion. Obviotby the sounds of it, some will disagree with me there. But that's just me, and hopefully the majority of people on sites like this think the same..(but in reality we know that's not the truth.)
Well I hope you are both ok and sensible enough to whittle out the assholes from the genuine ones... Judging by your comments above you have already done that as you have same inboxes .😆😆😆

[SammyB]

Thank you for taking the time to reply a s sharing your thoughts 

I totally agree with on pretty much most things 

I’m kicking around kink long enough now to spot a few however it is so easy nowadays to be a keyboard kinkster without every having had a kinky moment in your life 

I’m sure Dee will share her thoughts or how she deals with things 

but as far as I’m concerned very wise words 

thanks for sharing 

Sx 

[dizzydeano69]

Yeah.. keyboard warriors as thwr known as eh..lol..
And I agree, those are the ones that have never really even tried any kink in there real life.. maybe watching it online etc, then that makes them a real kinkster..lol..
But it takes more than that, you both sound like you have had your fair share of kinkiness.. and can spot the tell tail signs of a thirsty bloke/woman online... But a complete newbie that's here for a first time could very easily get sucked into a thing like that thinking their doing the right thing, but in reality there being played , so to speak.. why can't people just be normal/polite and go about things in a right way??.... Thing is, your always going to get them and never stop it . .

[SP****]

8 minutes ago, dizzydeano69 said:

Yeah.. keyboard warriors as thwr known as eh..lol..
And I agree, those are the ones that have never really even tried any kink in there real life.. maybe watching it online etc, then that makes them a real kinkster..lol..
But it takes more than that, you both sound like you have had your fair share of kinkiness.. and can spot the tell tail signs of a thirsty bloke/woman online... But a complete newbie that's here for a first time could very easily get sucked into a thing like that thinking their doing the right thing, but in reality there being played , so to speak.. why can't people just be normal/polite and go about things in a right way??.... Thing is, your always going to get them and never stop it . .

I totally agree with you on the complete newbie ......I for one am new to it all and if it hadn't been for a good few people that I've gotten to know over the last few months I would have jumped right in.
I now ask advice and any guy making me feel uncomfortable with chat or jumping straight in with shite is either ignored or blocked

[dizzydeano69]

17 minutes ago, SPANK135 said:

I totally agree with you on the complete newbie ......I for one am new to it all and if it hadn't been for a good few people that I've gotten to know over the last few months I would have jumped right in.
I now ask advice and any guy making me feel uncomfortable with chat or jumping straight in with shite is either ignored or blocked

Well that's good.to hear and you sound sensible.enough to have looked into things and been able to ask advice and things like that.. yeah block and ignore is what to do..
But some total newbie without even having tried any kink at all might well get sucked in I guess. Hopefully not, but it's life and it happens..
Your never going to stop the assholes.. but this is a great site, help is just a comment or a msg away and there's always.people to.help.you.out and advise on lots of.different agendas.. just glad you sorted things out your end xx

[Deleted Member]

It's difficult. When messaging people they want you to say more than hi, which is fine. But when you do send a message that's more, people don't respond. Lots of people on here just don't give you a chance to get to know them. Unless you chat or are in forums you are invisible.

[UK****]

Often, people message in the way they ASSUME Doms should be.  Sadly, they are 'educated' by the same people who think that submission is given just because you SAY you are dom.  The reality is that submission is given when trust is earnt.  Most won't ever get to that point.

 

 

[SammyB]

4 minutes ago, UK_Knight said:

Often, people message in the way they ASSUME Doms should be.  Sadly, they are 'educated' by the same people who think that submission is given just because you SAY you are dom.  The reality is that submission is given when trust is earnt.  Most won't ever get to that point.

 

 

My sentiments entirely 

there are lots of misconceptions out there and this is a typical example 

Sx