In everyone’s least favorite BDSM-lite film, Christian Grey talks his new girlfriend into signing a sex contract. It’s essentially a gag order that prevents her from ever talking about their kinky secrets and grants him permission to do whatever he wants to her, physically. If that sounds slightly creepy and controlling - even to someone as pervy as you - then you’d be right on the money. This isn’t how contracts are negotiated in the real S&M community; we do it better, slower and with far more sleazy talk.

Can a sex contract really make it better...or is that just another Fifty Shades fantasy?

The average slave/master contract will contain themes of ownership and domination, but never to the point where the slave could experience any real life hardship or genuine fear. Moreover, these sadomasochistic agreements are mutual and beneficial; couples work them out to make sure that everyone gets their rocks off, Sub or Dom. This is a perfect arena for BDSM scenes to be planned before things take off in the heat of the moment. No one is going to return to a situation they hated, so it’s crucial for everyone involved in power play to be aware of the other person’s boundaries and the level of experience they are bringing to the party.

can-sex-contract-make-better-2Fetish can be extreme or light, some people are freaked out by gimp masks while others can’t stand being tied up for longer than a few minutes. It’s all cool, but writing and signing a sex contract keeps everyone on the same page. We receive pleasure in different ways, people who are new to the fetish community are having unfamiliar erotic experiences, so might want to take it easy before diving in to the more hardcore bondage games. A contract can make them aware of the possibilities in a tantalising way, putting them in charge of how far you go instead of leaving them guessing.

Then there’s the Master’s side of the agreement; far from imposing a set of rules on a slave, the Master is signing a sex contract that makes crystal clear their commitment to a bondage relationship. The Dominant accepts the Slave as their personal property, but this is not taken lightly or underestimated. The Masters duty to love, punish, care for and where necessary, protect a Sub, is carefully worded, enabling both parties to feel nurtured and secure. More importantly, very few people involved in the BDSM lifestyle would put their name to anything that didn’t have a get out cause. Backing out of an S&M contract at anytime is a freedom we all need, relationships change and it’s no fun being stuck in a dull, oppressive or loveless situation just because of a piece of paper.

Sex contracts: safety, consent and more?

Although it smooths the way for safe and consensual bedroom antics, signing a sex contract isn’t just about the practicalities and it’s certainly not about oppression. Not many kinky people would allow someone else to control their social life, their career ambitions or their happiness, but their sexual pleasure....well that could be a different matter. Politically correct sexual fantasies are rare, so when you want to be trussed up like a badass stripper, spanked and then taken from behind, you can write it into your contract so you don’t have to ask in future.

can-sex-contract-make-better-3If you’re interested in signing a sex contract of your own, don’t feel you have to follow any format or template. Some of the most revealing and intimate sex contracts can be in the form of questionnaires, you write the important questions and your partner answers, truthfully and elaborately. Your sexy fetish agreement can be as bold and unique as you and the fun part is thrashing out the details. Writing it all up might not be such a blast, but remember this is about trying to make your relationship stronger and more open.

You can take sex contracts as seriously as you like, some kinksters love the drama of an official document dictating their desires, but others are in it for the thrills. Contracts can refer to particular S&M scenes you design together, or have wider Master/Servant implications. Pet contracts are also popular, where one person will take on the role of dog, cat or pony and follow their owner’s instructions. However you chose to play it, a sex contract can be a great way of monitoring your relationship, and seeing how things develop over time. Having your contract written down to refer back to ensures you both continue to feel valued, protected, loved and committed to the same goals.
Images by Tudor and Quinn Dombrowski and Ramunas Geciauskas via Flickr with CC BY 2.0 licence



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