Ever feel down when looking at fetish images of slim models wrapped in pretty shibari rope work? Does seeing promotional images of busty, curvy gals in leather and latex and perfect porn stars with peachy bottoms make you feel insecure? Stop right there! Kink is body-positive and for everyone, no matter your size or shape! We got Victoria Blisse to share her top tips for overcoming body image issues. 


BBW & Lovin’ it!

I’ve always been fat. That word is a descriptor, it’s not an insult. I used to take it as such but growing up has shown me that it’s just the same as calling someone tall or skinny, labels can be used positively or negatively.  Call me what you will, BBW, plus size, curvy they’re all positive things to me now. Although that wasn’t always the case.

Growing up I hated my body. That seriously put a dent in my self-esteem. For every compliment I’d get on how I looked I was able to twist it into an insult. Catcalling from a car by a stranger or a group of lads on the other side of the road didn’t help either. It was hard to believe I could ever be attractive. Even after meeting my husband and having his confirmation that he found me sexy I still had very little self-confidence.

Adverts permeate our day to day life so even if, like me, you avoid magazines and newspapers you still see idealised images on TV, posters and even the sides of buses! We are surrounded by photoshopped images that pressure us into believing we need to purchase this scent or that designer outfit to become attractive. Bollocks. You are beautiful exactly as you are.

A fresh perspective

It was stepping into the fetish world that really helped me in building self-esteem. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a body-positive community before. Participating at large scale erotic markets and fetish fairs revealed to me, women and men of all shapes and sizes confidently wearing whatever they damn well wanted. Plus size latex, for example, was a real eye-opener - I didn’t realise it existed.

Personally, I was still quite reserved, it took a long while to start to wear more revealing clothes. As I received more compliments my confidence grew. I suddenly realised that I could wear whatever made me happy and by doing so I shone with self-confidence. That is the key, you know. When you believe in yourself, you’re happy in your skin and your clothing then other people see that and react in kind.

We all have parts of ourselves that we’re not fans of. For me, it’s my back because I have a few rolls. What I’ve found though is that my pride in taking a beating that results in pretty marks totally trumps any body worries I have. And in displaying my body confidently covered in marks I’ve come to realise that I’m a beautiful canvas to start with.

At my first play event, I was still quite reserved and marvelled at the confidence of the plus size women wandering around topless or even nude in some cases. It took me a while to be as free and easy myself. What helped me was having marks to show off.  I eagerly wanted to show off my bottom covered in cane marks and bruises and soon I was even showing off my back.


'It might not happen overnight but I’m confident that you can boost your confidence because if I’ve managed it, anyone can do it!'


Body positive BBW
BBW loud and proud!


Here are my five top tips for building self-esteem within the kink community.

  1. Look at the people at events. I don’t mean stare open-mouthed—that’s a bit rude—but just notice all the different body shapes around you. Remember we’re all different but beautiful in our own way.
  2. Show a lil’ bit more. You don’t have to throw all your clothes off right away but maybe show off some slinky, sexy lingerie or wear that strapless dress to the next play event you attend!
  3. Compliment others. Have you heard the saying you get back what you give? Well, then when you see something you love, let that person know. It can be as simple as telling someone you love their earrings or corset but by giving out positivity you invite it to be given back to you.
  4. Compliment yourself. Once you’re used to giving out positivity to others try it with yourself. Look in the mirror and be kind with your comments. Compliment your good bits and be gentle with the other parts that are harder to love. Each little bit makes up part of sexy you!
  5. Peacock those marks! Show off your bruises, share photos of the wax play art on your back, embrace your sexy kinkiness and share it with your fetish friends.


Got your own ideas about building self-esteem? Sharing is caring kinksters, head on over to the forum and post your body-positive tips, or drop a comment below this article. Everyone is beautiful here!


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Thank you so much for this. 

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