I’ve always been fat. That word is a descriptor; it’s not an insult. I used to take it as such but growing up has shown me that it’s just the same as calling someone tall or skinny, labels can be used positively or negatively. Call me what you will, BBW, plus size, curvy they’re all positive things to me now although that wasn’t always the case.
Growing up I hated my body. That seriously put a dent in my self-esteem. For every compliment I got on how I looked I was able to twist it into an insult. Catcalling from a car by a stranger or a group of lads on the other side of the road didn’t help with my self-esteem either. It was hard to believe I could ever be attractive. Even after meeting my husband and having his confirmation that he found me sexy I still had minimal self-confidence.
Adverts permeate our day to day life so even if, like me, you avoid magazines and newspapers you still see idealised images on TV, posters and the sides of buses. We are surrounded by photoshopped images that pressure us into believing we need to purchase this scent or that designer outfit to become attractive. I say bollocks to that. You are beautiful exactly as you are.
Plus size, kinky, loud and proud!
It was stepping into the kink and fetish world that really helped me in building self-esteem. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a body-positive community before. Participating at large scale erotic markets and fetish fairs revealed to me, women and men of all shapes and sizes confidently wearing whatever they damn well wanted. Plus size latex, for example, was a real eye-opener - I didn’t realise it existed.
I was still quite reserved at first, and it took a long while to start to wear more revealing clothes. Over time I received more body-positive compliments, and my confidence grew. I then realised that I could wear whatever made me happy and by doing so, I shone with self-confidence. That's the key, you know. When you believe in yourself, you’re comfortable in your skin and clothing - then other people see that and react in kind.
We all have parts of ourselves that we’re not fans of. For me, it’s my back because I have a few rolls. What I’ve found though is that my pride in taking a beating that results in pretty marks totally trumps any body worries I have. And in confidently displaying my body covered in spanking marks, I’ve come to realise that I’m a beautiful canvas to start with.
At my first kink play event, I was still quite reserved and marveled at the confidence of the plus size women wandering around topless or even nude in some cases. It took me a while to be as free and easy myself. What helped me was having marks to show off. I eagerly wanted to show off my bottom covered in cane marks and bruises and soon I was even showing off my back.
"It might not happen overnight but I’m confident that you can boost your self-esteem and confidence because if I’ve managed it, anyone can do it!" - Victoria Blisse.
Here are my five top body-positive tips for building self-esteem within the kink community.
Victoria Blisse is an erotic author, a sex-positive Reverend and part of Smut.UK who arranges events for curious and kinky people with a literary bent.
Got body-positive tips to help build self-esteem? Sharing is caring kinksters, head on over to the Fetish.com forum or drop a comment below this article. Everyone is beautiful here!
Images: model released from Shutterstock.com
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