BDSM Dating | How to Avoid Online Scammers

The internet is a wonderful place to meet fellow kinksters, and Fetish.com is a great forum for connecting with other people into the same fetishes as you. However, not everyone is who they appear to be, so we asked Victoria Blisse to give you some tips on how to avoid scammers.

It's sometimes mind-blowing how connected we are with people all over the world through the technological wizardry of the internet. Making friends knows no borders and we can meet potential partners to get kinky with.

While the upsides of the online world are extensive, there are some major drawbacks too. The anonymity offered by a screen does mean that people can use the internet nefariously, catfishing people and pretending to be someone they're not. And unfortunately, there is an abundance of people using dating site scams to con people out of money.

Online scammers cause damage by pretending to be the person of your dreams. In Kinky and BDSM dating circles, they often pretend to be the perfect Mistress or the Domliest Master, or the most submissive of subs, just to get into your wallet. So, how to avoid scammers?  

Never give out personal details

Online scammers with fake profiles want to get hold of personal details, addresses, and phone numbers, in particular. Some online scammers also want your details to get you off the platform and onto a different chat medium, like Google Hangouts or . Be very cautious about disclosing any details to someone you haven't met IRL; in a perfect world, it's best to wait until you've met in person. If someone is pushing you for this kind of information, it's a definite red flag and one to avoid.  

Too good to be true  

If your interaction feels too good to be true, it probably is. Trust your gut instinct! If a profile has photos of someone that looks like a model, you can do a reverse Google image search to see if they are stock photos or pictures of an entirely different person. If the person likes everything you do and fits your fantasy precisely, err on the side of caution too. Fake profiles capitalize on telling you just what you want to hear. If you're suspicious about the responses you're getting, you can also Google search the person's username, or even snippets of the conversation, to check if they are doing the same thing a lot or even if other people have written about them being online scammers.  

Learning fake profile red flags will protect you from online scammers. 

Super responsive  

Life happens to us all and we can't always respond quickly to messages. If the person you are chatting with always responds immediately or within a short timeframe, then you may be talking to a bot with a fake profile. Check the language they're using. Does it seem real and natural like a casual online chat?  

Scammer sob story

Online scammers often pull on the heart strings to con money out of people. So, if you're chatting to someone and they're telling you about some great tragedy in their life, an emergency, a sick relative, or some kind of trouble, beware! Especially if they ask you to help them by sending money. Never send money to a stranger who may be a fake profile.  

Tributes

It is customary for Mistresses to ask for tributes, so you might not think it's unusual. However, if someone insists on it before any other interaction, it could be a red flag. Many Mistresses will ask for tributes in gift vouchers because services like Paypal have terms and conditions that forbid their use for sex work. But if a Mistress is asking for a lot of money and isn't willing to send you any kind of proof of who they are, you may be dealing with an online scammer. If in doubt, don't pay it! True Mistresses will understand. If the Mistress turns nasty, this is probably because they're a catfish.

Catfishers often use images of models to con people out of money. 

Practical tips on how to avoid online scammers from our moderators

1. Pay attention to when the person joined the site or FET app, and the description on their profile. If the member only joined a few hours ago and they have already sent a lot of messages, it's normally a sure sign they are up to no good. Read what they've written in their description too, and if it feels familiar, it's probably a copy and paste job from a fake profile.
2. Most online scammers pose as a Mistress or Domme – although it's not unheard of that fake profiles pretend to be Subs – to look for financial tributes. There are some common tactics to look out for, such as pushing for a gift card, offering to play if you book a hotel or dungeon that may not even exist, sending you to a fake online shop to a collar or sex toy that will never arrive, or sharing a deep personal tragedy that needs support.
3. Check out the location of someone you suspect of being a catfish. If they are on another continent, it could be an online dating scam. Of course, they might just want to chat, but if you're seeing other red flags, then location can be a deciding factor. Also be mindful if they suddenly claim to be working away, visiting, or relocating to an area near you (especially in Covid-19 times).
4. Look for green ticks and set your message filters to verified members only – that stops online scammers in their tracks.
5. Beware of the romance scammer! They appear to have no clue what kinks and fetishes are, and they're here looking for the love of their life or a soulmate. These fake profiles can cause a lot of emotional damage, as well as financial.
6. Why are they in a hurry? Opening messages like, "Are you ready to submit to be my slave?" should be a red flag. Genuine mistresses don't behave in that way.
7. It's not all about female fake profiles, either. Lots of male scammers will say they're doctors currently deployed overseas for the UN or the Army. Suddenly, they've had an accident or been injured and need money to get home.
8. Watch out for comments on your Wall. Online scammers love to leave notes about how they must speak to you off-site on Google Hangouts or email, for example. This is a huge red flag.
9. If you do end up being lured by a scammer, you're likely to be added to a list of 'easy targets'. Giving away an email address or telephone number as part of this exchange may well bring other phishing calls, texts, and messages from elsewhere, so be vigilant.
10. Report, Report, Report! If you suspect the person you are chatting to is an online scammer, report their profile and the Support Team will investigate.

Remember, if an interaction doesn't feel real or something feels off to you, listen to your gut. If you have any concerns about other members being online scammers in the FET universe, you can report them and the team will take action. If you don't want to talk to someone, you can use the 'No thanks' automatic message option or block the user. Your safety and kinky happiness is our number one priority!

Victoria Blisse is an erotic author, a sex-positive Reverend and part of Smut.UK who arranges events for curious and kinky people with a literary bent.

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All images: via Shutterstock.com