So, you’ve decided to throw a BDSM play party. But, before you get down and dirty, there’s a lot to consider if you want it to be a hit: inviting the right people, ensuring they know the rules, privacy, and making sure guests are safe. Follow our tips below, and your party will certainly go with a bang… or two, or three, or ten!
Even if you're dating in a happy and fulfilling relationship, you can’t help wanting to take a bite out of someone new once in a while.
In the vanilla world, being attracted to another person, flirting, or taking it further can break the heart of your significant other, but some of us in the BDSM community have a secret get-out-of-jail-free card – the BDSM play party.
This isn’t just an excuse to jump on as many people as you can, it’s also a chance for S&M-loving participants to chat with new contacts, explore the lifestyle, and ultimately make their own bedtime performance a more intoxicating experience.
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Properly invite your fetish guests
The best BDSM play party starts with an invitation that sets the scene for what’s to come. Not everyone is familiar with the conventions of a fetish event, so briefly explain what will be happening. If your main contact with the S&M community is on a dating site like Fetish.com, create an event online if it’s more convenient. Most guests will be known to you personally, and you’ll have met them in the flesh, but play parties can be intense. So, if you’re offering a plus one in the invite, you need complete trust in your friends. Limit the booze or get your kinky guests to bring a bottle: this is definitely not the place to get plastered. Still, newbies and shyer guests might need a few drinks to loosen up.
Know the rules
Even at a BDSM play party, there have to be protocols, so chat about these at the start and make sure everyone knows what’s acceptable and what’s not.
Throwing a bondage event at home means you get to decide how far things can go. Of course, in a public place like a club, you may have to be stricter, and scenes may become tamer.
Consider privacy
Privacy is important because some of us need to reserve our lifestyle for the bedroom. So, if you invite someone from the outside, use tact.
Cameras should not be allowed unless the photographer has consent from everyone. All members should feel relaxed, confident and uninhibited at a play party, not worried about being tagged on Facebook.
Also, consider everyone’s safety. In more intimate spaces give people plenty of room to get active, warn spectators to stand back if certain tools are coming out, and provide wipes or towels for the clean-up.
Make sure that privacy is respected at your BDSM play party.
Safewords and consent
The golden rule of any fetish community gathering is everyone should be a consenting adult. That means most hosts won’t bring under-21s into an S&M group.
Things can unravel pretty quickly when people take advantage of those less experienced in sadomasochism, and that ruins the flow. Chatting about activities in a forum is very different from physical interaction.
No one wants to feel pressured and submissives aren’t kinky playthings unless they want to be, so always clamp down on pushy dominants who act like they’re entitled to something.
After that, it’s about general respect. No one wants their sex toys, tools, their sub or themselves to be touched without their permission.
Indeed, you want to encourage hot scenes, not prickly exchanges and jealous rages. So, people should only join in after being invited and always observe from a respectful distance.
Have a few separate spaces for the various scenes that might unfold, but include a chill-out area where guests can chat, check out the dating opportunities and choose to sit out the fetish action if they need too.
Set the scene for your BDSM play party
Aesthetically, a play party is best when wild and creative. We love our dress-up clothes, so, stylistically, your bondage bash is likely to be a stunning reflection of the lifestyle.
However, you might want to get people into the venue in their vanilla gear – or at least with their modesty intact – especially if it’s at your home and you don’t want to endure an awkward silence with your neighbour the next time you’re putting the bins out!
Keep a watchful eye
At a play party with more than ten guests, you really need someone in charge to keep an eye on things. They’ll have to resist any personal contact and stay sober, but you can give them a fantastic title like Lord and Master or Priestess of Pain to make it worth their while.
Being slightly detached from the action, their job is to make sure everyone’s comfortable with what they’re doing and maybe even hand out the safe sex supplies.
Timing is crucial for an impressive BDSM social, so, before the event, tell people when to arrive and when you’ll be expecting them to leave.
There's a point after which you can’t keep opening the front door every five minutes, and it’s not very erotic to be cooking breakfast for 20 in the morning, so get the appointed Master or Mistress to enforce your times vigorously.
Finally, if it doesn’t go exactly to plan, don’t stress, just learn from what unfolds to make the next one even more improper and debauched. Happy party planning!
Have you ever thrown a BDSM play party? Do you agree with our tips or have some stories to share? Share your experience in the Fetish.com forum.
Images: via Shutterstock.com
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