New to D/s and orgasm control or just want some fresh ideas? Stella Harris has the top five ways to use it in different kinds of relationships. Starting with some ‘less intense’ practices all the way to some ‘pretty hard-core’ versions - always remember #YKINMKBYKIOK ;)

 

Five, Four, Three, Two, One... ORGASM!
 

Last year I was in bed with a cute girl and we were fooling around. We’d flirted for a while, and done some kink play, but this was the first time we were having sex. My face was buried between her legs when she said “Wait! I need to get permission to cum.” I looked up and saw her on her phone, texting her partner.
 

1. Take me to the edge

 
Orgasm control is typically found in D/s relationships, but that certainly isn’t a requirement. Exerting a bit of control over a partner’s pleasure can be fun in any relationship dynamic. In fact, playing with a bit of tease and denial is a great way to increase pleasure. People are often in such a rush to reach orgasm, that a lot of pleasure can be missed along the way.

 

Woman having an orgasm

Please let me cum...

 

2. Pretty please...

 
There are a lot of ways to play with orgasm control. One way it could be that one partner is touching another and they keep slowing down when the partner gets close to orgasm. The partner being touched needs to ask permission to cum, and the other partner may or may not give permission.

 

In kink circles you sometimes hear about this going wrong. Someone might become so accustomed to waiting for permission to orgasm, that when the relationship ends (and there’s no one to ask) they have a hard time reaching climax.
Taking that kind of conditioning even further, some people incorporate erotic hypnosis.

 

“Eric would sometimes repeat ‘relax,’ saying it over and over again to turn me to putty in his arms, like a kitten or someone well cuddled on the verge of sleep. Or he would simply come around a corner and pin my arms behind my back and growl ‘relax,’ and commandingly, ‘cum.’ He could have me writhing for hours without ever really touching me.”  - Victoria 

 

3. Distance makes the orgasm harder

 

In other cases people use orgasm control to spice up a long distance relationship, or simply times when they’re away from their partner. A bit of orgasm control can easily be added to your sexting repertoire. There are even sex toys that help facilitate this kind of play. The We-Vibe and OhMiBod can be controlled via phone app, and that can add a lot of spice to a phone call or video chat.
 

Man wearing chains like a chastity belt and white underwear

Who is YOUR key holder?

 

4. Under lock and key

 

For some, orgasm control becomes a main feature of the sexual relationship, even including something like a locked cock cage. This type of relationship is common enough that the kinky social media site, FetLife, even includes “keyholder” as a relationship status. This kind of play can be very intense, as it heightens feelings of vulnerability and frustration, and should only be engaged in after thorough negotiation and with an aftercare plan in place.
 

5. NOW!

 

Another more extreme form of orgasm control - that’s especially popular in kinky porn - is forced orgasm. In this instance the receiver of touch is typically in highly restrictive bondage, and the stimulation is usually intense, such as a Magic Wand combined with penetration, or even someone tied to a Sybian. These scenarios often incorporate other elements as well, either getting close and denying the orgasm, or requiring permission to be obtained before orgasm.
 
 

“For me, orgasm control can be not only a hot way to confirm a power dynamic, but a way of establishing emotional safety (and keeping an eye on cleanliness/cleanup) in a given sexual interaction. When having sex with partners with penises, if they surrender control of their orgasms I am empowered to choose if and when I will be dealing with potential fluid sharing, ejaculate clean-up, and/or the refractory period of an erection I may be enjoying.

I also enjoy the power that comes with being able to give affirmative consent to the question of someone orgasming in or on my body - the act of being asked and saying 'yes' helps me bit by bit to reclaim power and heal from past trauma and experiences of feeling silenced in sexual situations.“  - Calico


 

Want to add orgasm control to your play? A mild form, like tease and denial (or edging) is a great place to start. The best part? This kink doesn’t require anything but your hands and your imagination to explore! Share your orgasm control experiences or get advice on where to start on our forums.
 

Sign-upo-now_-button.gif

 

Image Erika Lust


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