Hitting subspace is different for everyone. Some people never get there, no matter how hard they try. Others seem to fall into it the moment they’re bound or gagged. We all have our own subspace definition. Kayla Lords is here to share her first experience with you.

 

What is subspace for me?

Sometimes I can form thoughts but I can’t speak. Other times, my mind floats off, almost weightless. I talk but don’t remember what I said later. I might not make much sense. The first time I hit subspace, I wasn’t consciously aware that I had until it was over. All I really knew is that I felt so fucking good.

There were a lot of firsts - my first visit to our local BDSM dungeon. I’d never taken my clothes off in public before. He’d never flogged a partner in public before. Here we were, on a busy Saturday night, in the middle of the floor. We hadn’t made a firm plan that we’d scene yet I stood and faced away from the room. I was really doing this.

The floating, relaxed feeling drifted over my brain slowly. In the beginning, I was clammy and nervous. With each click, as he attached my wrists and ankles to the St. Andrew’s Cross, my mind clouded more. I desperately wanted this. So did he.
 

Let it happen.


It doesn’t matter if you’re playing in public or in your bedroom. Subspace seems to require the ability to let go and let things happen. The scene might not go as planned, and you might not get everything you want out of it - bruises, marks, even subspace - but whatever will be, will be.
 

First kisses...

From the first kiss of the flogger on my back, I forgot the room. I was focused on each and every sensation. He started slowly, warming up my body and himself. Later he would confess to being as nervous as I was, but that night he projected an air of confidence.

That air, as well how good the flogging felt, is what allowed me to relax. If I’d stayed tense, I never would have hit subspace. Rhythms also matter. If I’m going to hit subspace and get that nice floaty-don’t-give-fuck place, I need to get lost in the rhythm.

Sensations matter. Deep, pounding thuds are my favorite. Stinging pain messes with my head. My thoughts get in the way. “Ouch, that hurts! Can I handle it?” If I’m thinking that, I can’t relax completely. Subspace, for me, requires total relaxation.

Out there, on the cross, my back and ass bared to a room full of strangers, that’s what happened. I felt the air move with each strike. I felt the warmth of his body every time he checked on me. I felt the pounding music rise up through my feet from the floor. I was lost in the moment...

 

Subspace. A Personal Story. Fetish.com
Time is meaningless in subspace.


When he finished, I didn’t know if a few minutes or a few hours had passed. I never really know the moment I sink from conscious awareness into subspace - I lose all sense of time. He may have stopped because I no longer verbally responded. Maybe his arm got tired.

The first conscious thought I remember is when he wrapped me in a pink, fuzzy blanket - a gift for the evening - and sat me down on a sofa. The adrenaline was coursing through my body, causing tremors. He moved our stuff out of the way so someone else could play, gathered me in his arms, and held me.
 

“Aftercare is important in any kinky play. When you’re coming down from subspace, it’s really important.”

It took a while for coherent thoughts to form again. My mind, for the first time, was a complete blank. No worrying, scurrying thoughts rushed through. I simply...was. I existed, right there, in the moment. As my head cleared, I noticed I was cold and tired...and hungry. A lot of energy gets used in a kinky scene - mental and physical. My reaction wasn’t a surprise.
 

And now for the afterglow...

The “problem” with subspace is that it’s usually followed by subdrop. What goes up must come down, and subspace is a high. There are no hard or fast rules about drop - how bad it might be; what it feels like; or how long it will last. The experience is unique to each of us.

The other “problem?” Subspace doesn’t happen every time you get kinky. From my experience, if I can’t get lost in the moment and let my mind go blank, it won’t happen. Some submissives chase subspace, feeling like a failure if they don’t get there.

Subspace is an amazing experience. But if you’re only getting kinky hoping for an elusive high that may or may not happen, you’re bound to be disappointed. For me, it’s about the expression of my desires, the sensations I feel, and the moment with my partner. Subspace is icing on a kinky cake, not the entire dessert.

 

Have you ever reached subspace? What did it feel like for you? Either way, we all wanna hear about it! Share your subspace stories on the forum! If you’re not a member yet, why not sign up for a free membership and enjoy more kinky goodies!


Image from Flickr Creative Commons


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