How to Manage BDSM, Kink and Sex after Kids 

Having *** is a big milestone in any relationship and it comes with a huge amount of change. It changes parent’s sex lives but also their kink lives too. So how do you juggle your kinky life and sex after kids? It’s got its challenges but it can certainly be done, says Fetish.com’s Victoria Blisse. 


Lock away your play things

When you bring home the tiny little bundle of joy, you’ll be safe in the knowledge that where you put baby down is where baby will stay. That soon changes. So be sure to invest in a strong, lockable box to keep all your toys in. Also, be sure to put them back when you’re finished with them. 

There’s no need to be secretive about the contents of your chest. If your child asks then let them know it’s your special toys that are just for you and your partner to enjoy. It means they’ll be less likely to try and sneak a look inside your stash too.  If you have bondage furniture, such as under bed restraints, leave them in situ. Simply tell younger *** they belong to you and you can explain to older ones that it’s part of your play time/sex life. This way you’re teaching your *** to be sex and kink-positive from the start.


Subtle expressions of Dominance and submission 

Sometimes managing kink and sex after kids means you’re just not going to be able to spend the time setting up scenes and playing them out when you’re juggling life as a parent. Some days you’ll be completely absorbed in looking after baby, other days you’ll be engaged in keeping school aged kids occupied and then running ***s to their various social engagements. 

When you’re so busy there are some subtle ways to get your kink on. Wearing a day collar, a necklace or bracelet that symbolises your submission can be a great way to be reminded of your relationship.  

If you want to play but haven’t got hours to dedicate to it, then maybe you can mix some BDSM into your everyday life. The Dominant could choose the sub’s outfit for the day or order the sub to wear no underwear or latex under your work wear.   When the child is napping or out with friends, use the time to take some photos of you in submissive or dominant poses to send to your partner.  

Even actions such as a controlling hand on the back of the head when kissing can remind you both of your power dynamic. 


Be open but restrained

You might be worried about letting your freak flag fly in front of your kid. Of course, there’s lots you can’t tell them because of their age but there’s no need to be secretive about it either. If they ask questions, be sex and kink-positive in your response. You’re not going to get many deep questions until your kids hit puberty but be ready to answer them openly. 

Letting your *** know that BDSM isn’t all 50 shades of grey or paid-for dominatrices will let them make their own decisions and will help them be able to talk to you about sex, relationships and kink. Discuss issues when they crop up, but don’t press the subject if your child isn’t interested.  


Too tired to play

Parenting is exhausting and it can be difficult to get the energy together to play and get sexy. Be sure to keep that connection alive with your partner by being honest about how you feel. Tell them what you’ll do to them when you have the energy for it. Spend time snuggling, touching and being intimate. It doesn’t all have to be about sex and kink, intimacy is really important too. But be gentle with each other. Parenting is challenging. Take that into account before getting upset if your partner just isn’t feeling it when you’re in the mood for some kinky fun. 


Plan alone time  

BDSM, kink and sex after kids is important and needs time. So plan in trips to your local BDSM events and clubs now and then. Get in babysitters, send the kids to the grandparents and just spend some time indulging in all the kinky fun you want.  It’s easy to let this slip, we all have an inclination to think our sex lives aren’t that important but don’t be tempted to do the vacuuming over getting time in a vac bed! You are a sexual, kinky being and it’s important to express your desires sometimes. The housework can wait! 

Basically, things are going to change but you can definitely have kinky sex after kids with just a little adaptation and forward planning. Use our event listings to find ones that capture your imagination and book in your own play date in advance. Make sure to book that babysitter too!


How have you managed your BDSM, kink and sex after kids?  Follow the discussion in our BDSM forum.