I recently attended a local monthly kink event for the second time as a volunteer; I’d like to talk a little bit about my experiences as someone new to the local scene as well as someone who volunteered at and has seen the behind-the scenes of an event like this.

I’m privileged enough to know the organizers of this particular local event, which has given me some insight into what putting something like this together is like. Of course, all kink events are different and have different challenges and goals. For example, consensual beatings are illegal in my city, but this event gets around that by calling it improvisational theater, and this event is public and in a large community center and utilizes multiple rooms. Each kink event is going to be different, with different people, rules, limitations, and how open or closed they are to the public, so I can’t speak for every one.

Why I Volunteer at Kink Events

This particular kink event is the largest in my city. It takes over most of a community center with a very diverse offering. There are vendors, a littles’ space, and registration in the lobby, an aftercare room full of comfy couches and a newbie room where demos of everything from stapling to electro and fire play happen and questions are answered. The ballroom hosts the main dungeon, boasting numerous St. Andrew’s Crosses and hardpoints for rope rigging. First aid, and the DJ are set up here, alongside a room with multiple hard points for rope suspension and another room known as the mat room, where people engage in wrestling and the like. There is no complete nudity (genitals and anuses need to be covered) and no penetrative play allowed, but attendees still seem to have a great time and often wear interesting outfits, from chainmail bikinis to adult-sized baby onesies that are specially created for bondage, with arms similar to those of a straight jacket.

Organizing kink events

A lot of time and effort goes into a kink event of this kind, which is why I've volunteered for the last two months. This month I was a host and gave tours to new folks for the first shift of three. There were five other host volunteers, as well as greeters, dungeon monitors to make sure no one was engaging in dangerous play or anything against the rules, people demoing in the newbie room and main dungeon, and senior staff—not to mention the people that help with setup and breakdown.

Keeping an event of this size running smoothly is a feat of organization, especially when you’re working with a primarily volunteer staff and because there are often a large amount of newcomers any given month. Being able to make sure nothing goes wrong from a health and safety standpoint, and having to make sure nothing non-consensual is going on in a very crowded space is not easy—especially when that space is loud and full of people hitting, scratching, electrocuting, and setting one another on fire among other activities. Organizing kink events an organizational nightmare, and I have extreme respect for anyone who puts on an event of this kind, at any scale.

why i volunteer at kink events

During the event

Walking around the event, while volunteering and afterwards, was really interesting in terms of people watching—I personally am shy about public play, so a ‘beginner friendly’ event like this is definitely helpful for becoming more comfortable. It was interesting seeing people’s outfits, from lolita maid bunnies and kitties with ears that have bells and a butt plug tail to those wearing see-through pleated skirts and chainmail bikini tops and those in head to foot latex. Although there is less of the “high fetish” fashion requirement at this event, there are still some people who go all-out for the event. It’s interesting to witness different fetish subcultures happening in front of you, from the doms smoking cigars outside to the littles having a tea party and coloring.

It's also great to be able to experiment with some things—getting zapped with a violet wand or having a flaming torch glide across your forearm—and watching friends and strangers alike engage in different kinds of play. I got to see some friends of mine having an amazing time doing everything from getting multiple staples laced up like a corset, confronting their fear of needles by getting temporary piercings, or being suspended by rope and hit with various implements. The great thing about public events like this is that as long as you’re not intruding on people’s play space, you can totally just stand and watch what they’re up to—if they weren't ok with that, they wouldn't be playing publicly. Of course, there are boundaries as to how close you get, what you say, and trying to get involved with a scene, but my general advice is to be polite and prioritize consent—being in a heavily sexual space doesn't give you a pass to touch people or say sexualized things if you don’t have express permission or know the person.

A learning experience

why i volunteer at kink eventsOne thing made me somewhat uncomfortable during the night: people I didn't know trying to approach me for play. I've talked to a few people about this, and the general consensus is that it’s better to try and form bonds with people before trying to play; although the space is inherently sexual that doesn't mean people want to interact sexually with people they don’t already know. There's clearly potential for meeting someone at an event and engaging in play with them that same night, but you shouldn't necessarily just approach someone with that expectation.

This can be hard for people new to an event or scene that don’t know many people there and/or don't have a partner with them—being in that kind of space can be overwhelming and titillating for sure, and it can be hard to know what is or is not acceptable. I've encountered this sort of mentality in other sexual spaces, like when I worked in adult retail. Since sexuality is so repressed for most people, it can be really exciting to be in a space where they feel like they can express their sexual self and can go a little overboard in the process. This is simply a side effect of living in a sex-oppressed society, and understandable, but also really uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of.

Ultimately, it’s events like this that allow people to express themselves and explore their sexuality in a safe and supportive environment, and I’m glad to be a part of this one—and will continue to be, as an educator and as a volunteer. Witnessing people exploring their sexuality and kinks in a welcoming environment is not something you get to be a part of every day, and I’d definitely recommend it if that’s something you have access to.

Caitlin is a writer, sex educator, consultant, and product reviewer who focuses primarily on issues of sex toy and accessory safety, pleasure, sexuality, gender, and more. You can learn more, or ask any questions, at their website- www.sex-ational.com.

Images by Christophe Robert and JoeInQueens and Stacey Jones via Flickr with CC BY 2.0 licence



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