Unrelated to the thread but how common is this? I think it's a great idea to help hold people accountable and within the bounds of sanity, but it doesn't seem like something many people would be interested in doing? And when would you reckon it's necessary?

It's a constant communication right? The Dom is the one with authority, but they still have to listen to the sub as their partner just as the sub has to listen to the Dom as their partner, as well as perhaps their Master. So to say that either one has more control than the other is wrong. The Dom Read more… needs to be able to read the room and not go so far that the sub has to exert the control they DO have, but the sub should also be able to trust the Dom with the control they have given up - if any.

Yeah, I believe we were both part of a thread a while back with some guy who was... Very toxic to say the least

Well, safe use of gear is always learned, as are etiquette and quite a lot of other behaviours in kink. Articulation and Experience are 100% nurture. Confidence, Intelligence, Authority and Creativity are much greyer, taking from both nurture and nature. I think the Dom factor, though, is that Read more… desire for power but not in a manipulation or control sense. A Dom will often want to be relied on by their sub for care, pleasure, and any power play the pair might engage in. Even though alpha theory in animals has been long disproven a Dom will, in my opinion, want to be like the pack leader. In charge and taking the lead, yes, but also nurturing and protecting their charge(s).

I think a person is more likely than not to have innate Dom tendencies, but a totally vanilla person can, with dedication and determination, become a Dom if they want to. Same goes the other way around, a totally vanilla person could become a sub. Depends who they're with and what they're willing Read more… to do for each other. Some vanilla couples who wanna spice things up could have been innately a Dom/sub pairing all along, some vanilla couples who wanna spice things up grow into those roles over time. It isn't black and white though!

Oh christ he used the word woke as an insult.
OP, at the end of the day it is your relationship. Navigate it how you wish to, and while you shouldn't be an asshole neither should you be a pushover. Make sure you're doing what's best for BOTH of you, not just your partner or yourself.

You raise a good point, in a roundabout way. OP, don't give a mile just for her to give an inch, you have to communicate with her. The key to any relationship, be it vanilla or kinky, or even a business or platonic relationship, is good communication. Make sure you're both able to compromise on Read more… some things, and negotiate with her as to what you can both do for each other, and to each other.