This. A Daddy can be a sadist, I know a couple including myself who are. There is warm empathy in the dynamic though.

It definitely sounds like confusion. I really hope you find clarity and a clear path on it.

I still, after many years, find it astounding that people think they are entitled enough to force their mantra or belief on others. BDSM can be unique and rules as you say, quite fluid. Nobody is Yoda.

From what you have said, this appears to completely be the subs choice. Either they abide by the rule laid out by the Dom, or if she finds this too much, find a Dom with a differing mindset on play with others. Personally this isn’t a road I would continue to go down.

Correction obviously.