Experienced sub, married to a dom in training. I can be playful and cheeky - been out of the life for a few years! once tamed I am a good sub who lives to please. Initially looking for online and phone contact. And more important friends in the life.
== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
100% Rope bunny
61% Primal (Prey)
0% Primal (Hunter)
I have experienced this difficulty myself and you have every sympathy from me! It could be due to medication if you are on any so that's worth checking out. I got through mine by push, push, pushing. Keep trying, don't let it put you off, enjoy the wind up don't curse it. Sometimes trying forced Read more… orgasms can help but it didn't for me, I would get to the point and then all sensation would just drop away. It's an odd feeling. One you can't fully appreciate until you have been there yourself.
It really depends on the cause as to how to manage it but most causes of anorgasmia tend to be psychological in origin whether it is a response to not feeling worthy enough for the pleasure or a conditioned response from a previous relationship. My advice would be to find the cause and then use that to work out the solution.
I have had this experience also and yes, it can be very frustrating, I also find that it is unpredictable - I couldn't tell you how long I would be able to edge and still cum at the end of it. I would experiment with it together but also allow her to play on her own with it too so she can get a Read more… better idea of how much she can handle and when it is enough. Communication, as always, is key. She is bound to be frustrated and need to express this in some way so allow her to do so....you an also reflect with her your own frustrations and feelings of guilt (unwarranted though they may be) and this can help you grow in your dynamic together.
Try to use things that are comforting for all your senses something to smell, taste, look at, touch and listen too all of a comforting nature.
Try also to care for yourself immediately before a session as you would after precare if you will, it might help to prevent the severity of the drop.
I Read more… wouldn’t worry too much about whether it will be worse in person, the drop might be but the physical aftercare will also be enhanced. I find the aftercare much more nurturing and preventative for drop when it is in person.....with the right person of course!
Psychologically speaking it probably has a lot to do with our childhoods and the experiences we had. My family were always very closed off about sex and very secretive about it so I guess as an adult I rebelled against that and am now sometimes far too open and up front about it!!!
I agree with sheep, showing him the post would break the ice without you having to say a word! Open discussion is key here. Blunt communication can be a really useful tool and less ambiguous than subtlety. Though I could be projecting on this as my husband needs very direct “rip off the band aid” Read more… type communication!!!
I have struggled with this myself, it is so hard when you get the feeling that someone is losing interest in you and your submission....but it might not be the case!
My advice would be to confront him with the evidence you have and see what he says but for that you have to be ready and prepared to Read more… hear the answer.
Relationships naturally plateau at times, it’s not always a negative thing but it can make us feel insecure.
He’s not a mind reader, he can’t help you feel better about this unless you tell him what’s going on.
Good luck - I hope it works out well for you
Wow! How lucky are you?!
You definitely need to have a conversation about this with her and see where she is at with it. There are so many different likes and dislikes that it’s difficult to give you advice as it’s very individualised.
I would say being Dom is partly about taking control so she Read more… will probably respect you more if you are up front and honest about the whole thing.
Good luck on your wonderous journey into kink!
To me being a Dom is a state of mind...no.... state of being. It is hard wired into the personality of an individual so it is hard to “turn someone in to a Dom” if they are not dominant already.
If your partner is naturally alpha you might have a chance...
I think the others are right...time for an Read more… open, honest and frank discussion with him about your needs. What have you got to lose? It’s only a conversation!
Sids ideas are great. I would also say research your topic well there are plenty of online resources to go to. Talk to others in the life - there is a chatroom here or private messages if you prefer. It’s time to really discover yourself and what turns you on - what an adventure!
Work out first Read more… your limits. What you want to try and what you don’t you may find that there is much more than spanking that turns you on, you might not! Then find someone who shares those limits or will respect them and get to the spanking!!
Good luck and welcome to fetish
It will end. You will not always feel like this. Time will help and some further introspection will also be useful.
i think having good people around you who you can talk to about it is a key ingredient to moving forward. Nothing helps to heal you faster than the love of your Read more… friends.
Sometimes it is tempting to jump into another dynamic, any dynamic, really quickly in order to fill the void but I would caution against this course of action. Remember your submission is a beautiful precious gift.
Talking to other people in the life also helps they understand the turmoil you are going through better than vanilla friends in my opinion.
Stay strong and wade through this horrible time, better ones are to follow.
It sounds like a really tough situation you are in. He clearly needs time to grieve what he has lost, I mean, all that hard work...it must be soul destroying for him but he’s taking it out in the wrong place.
i agree that he could be sinking into depression and I think he should seek professional Read more… help. The flip side of this is that you need to make sure you are looking after yourself as well.
Marriage isn’t easy, you hit these rough patches every now and again but I am sure it will get better for you in time with understanding and work.
I have a really unpopular take on this subject. I believe that the individual with the biggest physical presence ultimately has control and for me that is the Dom.
The sub may set the limits but the Dom chooses whether or not to follow them, of course any Dom worth his salt will follow limits but Read more… there are those that don’t. I have had experience of this and as I was being used by a Dom in a way that was against my limits and my will I did not feel as though I had any control of the situation..