I try to be welcoming and respectful, complimentary if there's something in their profile that's attracted my attention, and inviting of a response

My understanding of being a Dom is that it's a negotiated consensual affair, with an assumption that the safe word is respected and that agreed aftercare is provided. I think I agree with firmlybiased's analysis

ncraze I'm with you. I see it as a 'Dom duty' - part of what makes a Dom a good/great Dom - to comfort their Sub after the Sub has given themselves to your desires. Particularly if that giving has tested their boundaries. It's part of
instilling and enhancing the Sub's trust in you - ready for the Read more… next time! That is, unless the Sub wants to left in a heap in the corner or shackled in a cage - but that is still respecting the Sub's place in the power relationship, which in itself is a way of comforting.

Ms Drawers - Thanks for a useful overview. You have lovely eyes by the way

I'd want it to be someone with whom I could have an ongoing relationship, and some life experience overlap helps .

I agree with charmedlace, especially the bit about intimacy preceeding sex. Best sex is an expression of intimacy

Smooth preferably, but clean anyway

Slider. Have you belonged to the group in the past, left, and just rejoined? I wonder because it says you've only been a member for 2 days - but it might be second time round. If it isn't, I think a way of getting engagement is to ask yourself what you can GIVE to the group in the way of your past Read more… experiences and learnings, rather than present an image of someone expecting people to throw themselves at your feet.

If people are quibbling about the true-ness of you sub-ness I suggest you're better off being a true YOU, whatever that is, rather than fretting about leaping high enough to clear other people's hurdles

Notdeadyet - Good for you. I appreciate your sharing. Stick at it. I'm 70

ampd - I recommend you both read 'Decoding your kink' by Galen Fous. He refers in some depth to people discovering kink aspects of themselves while combating the tendency society has to make something perverse or dirty out of it.

I'm so sad to read this. I see what you're getting at, I think, but I've hugely appreciated getting to grips with insights into what I think of as 'kink in context' - arousal and stimulation as part of a wider experience of life incorporating kinky sex and kinky fantasy. Where would I find a more Read more… wide-ranging community to engage with?

Arch. Thanks (again) for your excellent overviews, explanations and cautions

I agree with @Top2Bottom2 & @R_Bunny3000. That kind of behaviour gives Doms a bad name and equates it with sexual *** in my view.