Male · 54 ·
Hi there and welcome to my profile. I guess I am just looking for like minded people in the area to chat with. I am not looking for a sub. Possibly a play partner if I meet someone and there is chemistry.
I am not able to see likes (spanks) so if you would like to chat with me, message me.
I have noticed many people that say they are new to the scene and looking for a Dom/Domme. I have known too many (one is too many) subs that have been abused by fake Tops and tend to feel protective of new subs.
If you are new to the scene, please be careful. I enjoy getting to know new people. So if you are new to the scene and would like a bit of guidance, or would just like to chat about kink, message me.
Desires and Fantasies
How does one just choose one? I suppose one that intrigues me is having a control of my partners blue tooth toy while in public. Then to choose the scenario, where we go, what we do. So many options.
I agree with the others, you are not at fault. Perhaps the guy was just about the conquest, he chased, the harder you ran the more he wanted to conquer. Once he got you, his interest was gone.
One possible thought. Regardless, even if you did something wrong, if he were a mature individual he Read more… would at least discuss what he did not approve of.
I understand it is difficult putting trust in someone, spending over a year getting to know him, than to have him abuse your trust so quickly. Just believe in yourself, learn from the experience and although it will make trusting someone harder in the future, you will have to. Be honest and true to yourself.
Do what you (both) want. Communicate a lot, before, during and after. Experiment and see what works and doesn’t work. There are no rule books about what is right and wrong, it’s about being open to explore what is tight and wrong for you and your partner(s).
Research and be safe. Some things in Read more… kink can cause bodily harm. Be sure to research these things to do them as safely as possible.
To start, I’d suggest not rushing into it and to let things happen naturally. Talk to people, go to munches and events, but I would avoid “seeking a Dom”. Just go to learn and meet people, maybe you will meet someone compatible. Seeking a Dom can attract the wrong sorts of people.
Rather than Read more… testing peoples knowledge about SSC and RACK, get to know them. Personally SSC and RACK are more for events.
Many of my submissive friends have had much more luck finding a partner by looking for a relationship on non-kink related dating sites. Either by just meeting people and talking about kink once they know them a bit, or even making subtle hints in their profile that they are kinky.
Keep in mind that you don’t need to find a “Dom”, rather you just need to find someone with dominant qualities that you can trust and you can learn about kink together.
There used to be a munch in Couer d’Alene, I assume it is still active. There are also a couple of munches as well as events in Spokane. You can find info about them on FetLife.com.
Feel free to message me if you would like. I am not very active in the scene, but know enough to point you in the Read more… right direction.
I think everyone is nervous the first time, regardless of how long you have known each other. I think you will just be nervous.
I would recommend to be sure you talk to your friend about maintain an open line of communication as well as honesty. Discuss each others expectation such as how you Read more… discuss dating others as fwb is typically not exclusive.
Be sure to keep communicating as adding intimacy to a relationship can quickly change how people feel about each other. One woman I met said she could not do fwb because as soon as sex was involved, she would get much stronger feelings and want a relationship rather than fwb.
Good luck, fwb can be a wonderful thing.
As was noted by others, attending local munches and events is a good way to meet like minded people. I have also had friends have success using regular dating apps with subtle comments. But for most it takes time to find the right person (or people). Some of my friends find partners that are Read more… already in the scene and some have found people and introduced them to the scene.
So in general, just get out there and meet people. Me recommendations are to be safe, be honest and open, and to not settle.
Be safe: Date safely by doing things like having first meets are in public places and checking in with a friend at identified times (let your date know this).
Be open and honest: Don’t be shy about what you are looking for in a relationship.
Don’t settle: For most, it takes time to find someone. Keep at it until you find the right person (or people). Don’t give up and settle for someone that you know is not the right person.
We all have different kinks and our kinks change over time. If this is something that intrigues you, find people you trust to explore. The big thing is to explore with people you trust and respect and will respect you and your limits.
Regarding limits, I’d suggest that you establish those with Read more… your partners rather than ask what others do. As you explore, you can update your limits.
In my opinion, the only rules are about consent. Find a partner or partners and explore and find what feels right. Every relationship/dynamic should be different as everyone is unique.
In my view it is abuse. Submission is earned by a Dom through respect and trust. If submission is demanded, it is abuse.
If there are good things that intrigue you about what he has done, research these things than find someone you respect and trust to explore with.
Dump him before things get Read more… worse.
Glass half empty or glass half full. To some an “innocent marriage” is wonderful, just as with the other scenarios.
Yes, life is about choices. But every person as well as every relationship has different results to the same choice. We all are different, this different things bring us joy, Read more… displeasure or pain.
Rather than focus on the choices and the potential negative results, we should make choices to the best of our ability and work at being happy with the choices.
Life is short, and gets shorter every day. We should focus on the positive and make the most of the time we have.
Charming is a common trait of manipulative; not saying that your gentleman is, but something to keep in mind.
I will also note that dominants also push soft limits, so if you were not clear in your conviction (hard limit) of keeping things slow, some pushing is somewhat understandable.
Although Read more… this is the type of thing that should occur once you are in a relationship/dynamic I would think.
So I am apt to agree with the masses and agree with others, he is not RESPECTING the boundaries (limits) that you set. I feel a good relationship and/or dynamic is built on mutual respect. If he is not respecting you, he should not earn your respect.
Communication is also key in a strong relationship. I would suggest opening a conversation with him and being clear about your expectations and concerns. Let him know that if he does not respect your concerns (hard limits) he will not earn your respect.
I agree with everyone about how unsafe the act was and how unethical, etc. etc. But I gave two comments.
1. She should discuss the actions with the person to bake sure he is aware of the dangers. There are people that see stuff in porn or read about it and think it looks fun, than experiment with Read more… it without researching. So is he someone that needs to be educated? He needs educated from the start about open communication and consent, to the safety about any kinks he (or his partner) is into.
2. A few people have noted he should be reported and I agree, especially if he does not seem concerned after a conversation (note item 1.). Not only should he be reported to the authority’s, but ideally he should be reported to other kinksters. I know that some BDSM communities keep track of abusive people. Essentially I feel that the word should be spread about abusive people. If the official authorities cannot (or will not) do anything, at least the community can help.
I agree that the terms “fake Dom and/or sub” is used a lot to describe people that either do not have much experience or that do not comply with what others deem to be “proper protocol”. As CopperKnob and others have noted, it is not about how experienced or trained or whatever means of Read more… classification others seem to exist, rather it is about what the people in the dynamic feel is right for them.
But on the other hand, there are many people that call themselves dominant because they want to be. Because of some movies and the readily available information, there seems to be a lot more people interested in kink than before. I understand there are scammers out there that need to be watched out for.
But there are those I consider fake. These are the people that misrepresent who/what they are. So either people who came across some bdsm porn, think it’s exciting and decide to be a dominant or submissive. The others fakes in my opinion are the narcissists and/or abusive people who claim to be dominant when in fact they are abusive. I have to many friends who meet a “Dom/me who starts demanding compliance with their wishes without having “earned” the rights.
There are also people claiming to be submissive, who immediately call some Sir/Master/Mistress/etc claiming to have no limits.
I feel dynamics must be built on mutual respect and consent. Regardless if it is a 24/7 dynamic or if it is a session at a dungeon.
I would recommend conversations.
To start you should establish the hard and soft limits (hard = no interest and soft = interest but not sure how far) for all parties (Tops as well as bottoms). During these conversations discuss what interests each of you as well.
Once you have your limits Read more… established your limits and have a basic understanding of each other’s interests you play. Prior to play establish your safe words (I like simple red (stop), yellow (pushing red) and green (kind of optional for “live it)). During play the Top should check in with the bottom. After play more conversations about how things went, what was enjoyable, what was not as enjoyable.
Keep in mind, it is not uncommon for limits to change over time. Either adjusted as people become more comfortable but also they can change as people change.
I have not seen the term broken used as when someone has reached subspace. I am apt to agree with VKD that it seems to be an unpleasant phrase. Subspace can be a beautiful thing and broken sounds like such a negative term for this.
I would also note, as I mentioned before, that definitions in kink Read more… are vague. For example, eyemblacksheep comments that the term is used when someone reaches subspace and is in a suggestible place. But by looking at the profiles of some of the other commenters, I would guess that they don’t see the term ad “suggestible” rather they seem the type to view the term more like “conquered”.