Agree with this 100%. There is a MASSIVE misconception that submissive = weak. Just not true. I would say that of all the subs I have had the ones I have had the best relationships with I’ve been incredible, amazingly strong people. Nothing changes that. Their submission to me doesn’t change that. Read more… I mean fuck me… if anyone crossed their kids or grandkids (me included) I don’t think anything would have saved that person. They submitted time because (I like to think) I earned that trust and submission. Not because they were weak. And certainly not because they brought anything less to the relationship.

Agree to some extent. But I find it more useful to find people that challenge my way of thinking, otherwise it’s an echo chamber or feedback loop. I may not agree with them but it may point out some things that I could do better.

Equal does not mean the same. From my experience equal means both people bringing something of equal value. What that is will vary but both will feel equally valued for what they bring. Sub or Dom doesn’t matter both should bring something and both should be valued and appreciated for it.

Honestly… when I first got into kink for real (as opposed to just online or reading about things), I wouldn’t change anything. I consider myself incredibly lucky. When I first got to explore the kink world for real I had already read and tried to understand a lot and met someone who then introduced Read more… me to the London scene. With and through them and who they knew I got to learn so very much more. They pretty much knew everyone and introduced me to about the best mentors I could ever hope for. Nothing official but just talking to people. It helped that I didn’t have anything to prove or any particular insecurities at that time (a very happy time of my life) so I was just happy to take and engage without any agenda or bravado. I learnt a lot. And I was also happy to listen and learn. I have only ever been dominant, honestly would my know how not to be, but never considered learning from others to diminish that.

That said there are many that enjoy the whole brattiverse and enjoy the whole give and take and play back and forth involved. Which is what works for them.

This is good. For some. I am possibly the worst Dom for a brat as I don’t react expectedly to brattiness. I am far less likely to give someone the thing they are trying to get if I feel they are trying to “play” or manipulate me towards it. I prefer to do those things when they are behaving in a Read more… mutually beneficial way rather than trying to provoke me.

You could ask if there was any way they could create a “contact in emergency” box/message/instruction so you would be informed if anything should happen. It is something I have done in the past.

This. Things like keys or something similar that jingle or make a distinctive sound (especially over a hard floor) can be great for this.

I can only talk about the clubs I have been to in the UK and from my own personal opinion. Wearing a collar does not designate that you are owned or with someone. It has become almost a fashion accessory at this point, particularly at fet clubs I have been to. In fact I have known people wear Read more… collars who are single and have absolutely no intention of submitting to anyone. What matters more is being respectful, being engaging but not encroaching, not simping or being pradadtory and, you know, just being a generally half decent almost human being. That said I have no clue what the club you are thinking of going to is like, it may be more worthwhile contacting the people that run the place and asking what is considered ok there specifically.

It’s better to be wanted without being needed than needed without being wanted.

This isn’t meant to be confrontational because I actually agree that we should try to be as aware as possible in all aspects of our lives but there is no possible way we could ever know every possible “input” into the decisions we make. However, we should always question, both ourselves and others, Read more… so I think I still agree… wait… that may be my parents speaking.

Ok… just to say that this is common. There are ways to do it safely. Blindfolds, ear plugs, sensory deprivation. The person can be there monitoring the situation the entire time, but… you don’t know that, at least not for sure. The mind is an amazing playground. Now a caring Dom would never want Read more… something to go wrong for their sub, and even an uncaring one wouldn’t want to deal with the aftermath of something going wrong, but it’s amazing what can be done with a planted seed.

One thing though, it does not make you a failure. You know what you are good at. If someone brand new in your field made mistakes or didn’t do something perfectly would you judge them a failure? Or would you try to help them understand? Now from what I have read I don’t think you did anything wrong Read more… anyway. But even if you had why should you be expected to know something you had no experience of.