I'm a dominant yet kind master seeking some friends and fun. If I find the right person then also looking for a longer term D/s relationship, but I'm not holding my breath. That was my old description on my profile.
Thankfully due to this site, I have found what I'm looking for in my current partner and some of the wonderful and genuine friends I have made since I've been here and I couldn't be happier.
I get almost as much out of helping to guide and nurture other sub's, Dom's and kinkster's as I do indulging myself in my own desires. So if you happen to pass by and are hoping to find someone genuine and kind to help guide or nurture you into these new waters of Kink and BDSM, then say hello and I'll always help if I can.
I enjoy many delights, however I have a real kink for the use of restraints, restraint systems, control and BDSM toys with my sub's. My style is more about control, submission and creating a safe trusted space for exploration of boundaries and fantasies unfulfilled, than it is about sadism, torture and violence although they are all tools of the trade. The sensuality of submission and taking ownership over a strong, intelligent and successful woman is what drives me to crave and need it and I cannot think of any gift more rewarding than the submission of a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman.
I’m glad to hear you managed to avoid what was a potentially damaging situation with a controlling/abusive man who was not what I would call a genuine Dom. So here are some tips that I would keep in mind when exploring and trying to find yourself a genuine Dominant and sort the “good” Read more… from the “bad”.
Being a good Dominant for me is about working towards and fulfilling every desire that both I and my submissive have. For me it's about my desire to control, direct actions, activities and also to take away the responsibility and confusion of choice and free will from my submissive when consent is given to do this. In terms or the relationship it's about forming a relationship that is open, honest, understanding, caring and non-judgemental but above all nurturing and beneficial. This helps us both grow together as people (both inner spiritual development as well as more vanilla life development) and become the very best we can be with each other and apart. It is my responsibility to not only fulfill my submissive, but to care for her, protect her from harm, to watch over and direct her growth and support her in every aspect of her life.
Every Dom is different and has a different style and we are no where near as prosaic or similar as many would assume. As part of my nature I am a nurturer who seeks to nurture, train and help others (not only subs) if they seek help, advice or training, but being Dominant isn't as easy as most people would have you believe and even for naturally Dominant men and women perfecting the art of being a good Dom is a constant work in progress. Every sub a Dom encounters will naturally have different needs and teach you different things about yourself. A good Dom know's that learning about yourself and others is a constant and evolving process that never stops and will be happy to let you talk to other sub’s and Dom’s to learn more about the BDSM, Kink and Fetish world; so asking questions of both your Dom and others is vital part of your learning curve and training as a submissive.
Here's a little food for thought that explains what I consider to be the foundations of any good BDSM relationship I enter into and you should keep this in mind when looking for and choosing a new potential Dom/Master/Daddy.
For me the four tenets of everything I do in the BDSM world are as follows:
1 – Consent
2 – Honesty
3 – Respect
4 – Trust
These are the four pillars upon which I base the foundations of every relationship I form, whether that be with other submissive types or other Dominant types.
1 – Consent is the number one priority to give as a submissive and to accept as a Dominant.
2 – Honesty is the next priority, as without honesty I cannot get to know, but more importantly understand another submissive or Dom and vice versa.
3 – After honesty has been achieved and reciprocated naturally comes respect and this respect must always be worked at to be maintained in all aspect of any relationship; both as a Dominant towards a Submissive and as a submissive towards a Dominant.
4 – Only once the first three steps are in place have you earned the trust of a Dominant or submissive and it is this trust upon which good and lasting relationships are formed. Once you have trust then limits and boundaries can be explored safely and fantasies or new ideas be shared, accepted and expressed.
In the context of D/s relationships the word “No”, is vital for both Dominants and submissives and neither should be shy of using the word. and it is here that BigPolly and I agree completely when she says:
Remember that as a submissive, YOU hold all the power, for without the consent of a sub to submit to us, us Dom's would simply be fantasists with no actual subs. So anytime a Dom makes you feel uncomfortable or gives of vibes that you don't like, talk to them about it and if you cannot resolve the feelings you are having then simply move on and find a Dom who is worthy of your submission.
Now that may sound odd to many when talking about Dom’s but far too often in the past I have seen Dominants in D/s relationships with submissives who are not well matched. In these types of situations a submissive may want to take pain and torture much further than the Dominant is prepared for or can handle. Remember not all Dominants are 100% sadists - or what I would call extreme sadists – and often even Dominants have their limits of where they draw the line. In a case where a submissive wants more from a Dominant than they are comfortable to give then saying no is vital. It may upset the submissive or make them angry that you will not take things as far as they wish, but saying no can avoid burn-out and emotional distress that can ruin any good Dominant and cause them to retreat from the lifestyle and D/s relationships in general. There is nothing quite so sad as seeing a fellow Dom who has been pushed too far by a submissive, not felt comfortable saying no and setting his or her own boundaries and is then left full of self-loathing and regret.
For submissives saying no is every bit as vital, especially when meeting or getting to know new potential Dominants. Saying no sets your boundaries out firmly from the get go and let’s the Dominants know what you are and are not prepared to engage in and where you real interest lie. This is also a good test of a new Dominant, as a good Dom will respect the word no, whereas a more dangerous or fake Dom will push or attempt to circumvent the “No”, and turn it into a yes. Not every submissive will want to experience the great wealth of different toys or types of play many Dom’s would like to explore with them and in this context saying no is a form of empowering your consent and ability to consent to the type of play you are comfortable with.
Now on the flip side how do you deal with being told “no”, and the rejection that comes with that? Well firstly if you are being told no or turned down as a potential partner then fear not; not everyone that we meet will like or resonate with us. Just because someone has turned down your advances towards them, doesn’t mean that you have done anything wrong, or indeed that there is anything wrong with you as a person, it simply means that you are not right for that particular person and that is fine because there will be many other people you will be right for. No matter how attractive in physical form or mind anyone is there will always be a spectrum of likeability and some people will lean more towards attraction and positive results and some will lean more towards the negative, but that’s normal and natural.
If you are in a relationship whether it’s Vanilla or BDSM themed and your partner say’s no to something, then the onus is on you to respect their decisions and wishes, to go no further with what you have asked of them and not to pressure them to comply if they are not comfortable with the request. The trick is not to take this personally as more often than not this type of “no” or rejection is about the person who has said no and what they either like or feel comfortable with and has little to do with the person they are saying no to and as such this should not be taken negatively; instead this should be taken as a positive because you have simply found another limit or boundary safely without running the risk of taking things to far in any type of scenario or play session.
I hope some of the above may help steer you clear of the fakes, pretenders and outright abusers who hide behind the mask of being a Dominant and good luck on the rest of your journey, I hope it's as safe as it is fun and fulfilling.
Have you tried subdue her and binding her fist with duct tape around her limbs? What this does is that it not only keeps her held firmly in place, but also acts as a good funishment for her struggling, as after you begin to apply the ropes, you can remove the tape and it's likely to sting as it Read more… pulls all those hairs out of their follicles. This can be tricky to remove from underneath ropework though so another avenue to consider is that it may be easier to use something such as satin, velvet or silk scarves to do this instead as these materials are rarely abrasive enough to leave any marks no matter how tightly they are bound and can be more easily removed once you have her bound in rope.
I'm guessing that the struggling on your submissive part is part of your roleplay/dynamic? If it's not then I would take the unruly sub and tan her hide with a multitude of painful tools (cane, crop or whip) until the fight has been lashed out of her and she submits to staying completely still for you.
I wouldn't think it's really an obscure fetish my friend. Maybe it's more of a case that many people like myself who do love the smell of the opposite sex's body odor and sweat simply don't consider it necessarily a kink, just part of them appreciating the opposite sex. I guess it also depends on Read more… how strongly your attracted to that pungent smell and what you do to show how much you like it. Personally I find the smell of a partner a huge aphrodisiac and the taste that their own sweat leaves on their skin is a salty delight, but I have never really considered it a fetish.
Hi phoenixsub. Firstly let me say it always saddens me to hear about anyone in a situation like yours. Unfortunately in both the vanilla and BDSM world honesty is not the valued and prized treasure it should be. You have had some great advice already from Cade, wantboijuice, Carnelian2 and Joker 50 Read more… and I echo and agree with their thoughts. From what you have said of the situation it sounds like you already have honesty and trust issues and it's not a one way street, but lets break this down into easier to read points of what the main issues here are.
1. You felt that your master was not being honest with you and was sharing intimate or private images of you that he had promised were for his eyes only.
2. These feelings of being lied to or treated dishonestly caused you to do something (you haven't told us how you found this out yet) that you know was also a breach of trust or privacy to find out if he was lying to you.
3. Unfortunately your gut instincts were proved right and you have found out (through what you imply are dishonest or at the very lest nefarious means) that he has been lying to you and sharing your pictures with other people online. This is a massive breach of your trust and as many have already implied, it would make me question if I can trust a word this Master ever says to you from here on out about anything. At this point if you do decide to stay with him then you need to tell him that he needs to earn your trust all over again. Personally I would politely show him the door and tell him why and suggest in future that he is simply honest with anyone he forms relationships with or this may be a recurring theme throughout his life.
4. What I think is actually a worse sin against you as his submissive is sharing your private and likely far more intimate daily email reports. These reports I would imagine were like a daily diary and sharing your innermost and private thoughts and feelings with others is one of the biggest breaches of trust I can think of. When you do talk to your Master you need to ask him, "Why have you shared not only my private pictures but my private daily emails with others, what were you hoping to gain from doing this"? You see there is no real good reason for doing so, and asking him that question will reveal much about who he is and why he has consistently lied to you and broken your trust in this way. In all honesty at this point as far as you know he may have been using your private images and emails to boast to others about his control over you as I cannot believe he was using them to train any other subs, that's just horseshit as you can easily train subs without doing such things.
5. When you do finally talk to your Master about this both you and he will both likely feel that you have both betrayed each others trust now and despite the fact that you are begin honest and upfront with him in confronting him about this situation (therefore have not been lying long term as he has been) you will both have lost your trust in each other. The only real remaining question to ask yourself is, "Do I ever want to trust him again", followed by "Do I honestly think I can trust him again". The only reason to stay in this relationship is if you can honestly answer both questions with a "Yes". Personally in such a situation it would be a double "No", from me and from many others.
Take heart my friend and if you do end this relationship try to perceive it from the more positive point of view that you are simply acting in favor of your own destiny, by freeing yourself physically, emotionally and mentally and allowing yourself more time to find an honest Master who deserves your submission.
For my own genitalia I have used Schlong, Wang, Baby Maker, Cunt-puncher, Womb-beater and One-Eyed Womb Ferret. Most often I simply use cock as it's slightly more harsh and aggressive sounding than penis and I like the sound of the word.
For describing the state of said genitalia we have flaccid, Read more… soft-on (some call it a semi), hard-on (non-bendable) or rock-on (supercharged-hard on).
For female genitalia it's been Gash, Punani (love that one), Axe-wound, Fish Kebab, Pussy, Foo-Foo (not my idea), Vag, Clunge, Lady Bottom, Front Hole and my go to and absolute favourite for it's aggressive sound and connotation...Cunt.
Well I know that I find your posts make perfect sense to me Carnelian2 and I enjoy your contributions and insights, so keep them coming.
I'm equally proud and surprised that I have been able to become the man I am today and the Dom I am for my submissive. Life is never easy for any of us but I have Read more… overcome some of my own childhood conditioning and programming to become someone that I am almost completely happy with (there's always still room for improvement). I had no idea that both my nurturing and caring aspects would merge and meld so well with my sadistic and controlling aspects as in my youth I often thought that I would have to choose to be either one or the other, but happy that this is not the case. While I am still learning and growing as both a Dom and a person everyday, I am happier and have far more confidence, serenity and positivity to deal with life and whatever it throws my way.
So sad to hear what your now ex owner did to you there Hex. On the plus side it'll be a new year soon and a new beginning with a new and more deserving owner will be just around the corner, I'm sure.
I'm going to be spending my first Christmas and New Year with my partner and submissive and were Read more… both soooo excited despite both being heavily ill with this horrible and nasty cold bug that is doing the rounds at the moment. Other than being together we have few plans as just being with each other is enough of a gift for Christmas and it will make a nice change for me not doing the same old family oriented day that I have done to death the past few years. I hope everyone gets to have a nice happy and relaxing time over the festive period. Merry Christmas everyone
Well I’m glad to hear that like many of the best Dom’s out there you have enough humility to admit your mistakes and aim to improve and learn not to make them again. I know that for my own training to become a good Dom I made many mistakes and I needed to make mistakes to learn from them. It’s does Read more… sound to me that you head and your heart are in the right place after you latest comment and I do hope that you can both overcome the difficulties you have experienced with each other and work to make your relationship and your communication and commitment to each other that much stronger thanks to this. I can often be quick to judge myself (something I try to work on being better with) when it comes to D/s dynamics and I think part of this is because it is so vital to have that intense trust and connection in a D/s relationship (as you are finding out) for everybody’s safety and wellbeing. It can often seem harsh when we comment in the forum on personal situations as we never 100% know what has gone on or what both parties have done to cause a given situation, but if you are both committed to each other and hoping to learn to form a better, stronger and lasting relationship then I do wish you both all the best in your journey as well as some happy holidays and festive fun.
Well as one of those people who were quick to judge I was basing what I had posted on the information that the poster of this topic had presented and as such could not have known that you have not actually cheated on her when this was what the poster was insinuating.
However as VonHart has rightly Read more… (in my opinion) stated if you have talked previously before you got into a relationship with this woman and told her that you would get into a committed and exclusive relationship with her, then you have still broken this promise to her and betrayed that trust.
By your own admission you have been talking to other women whom you have seen/dated and been romantically involved with and while you may be new to this type of D/s relationship, you are not new to relationships in general and those same rules from normal/vanilla relationships about trust, honesty and transparency still apply. D/s relationships are no different in that respect.
So when you're in a normal or vanilla relationship and you tell the woman your with that you are committed to her and then start seeing going on dates with other women or stay in touch with women you have seen/dated or been romantically involved with then you are still being disrespectful of the commitment and promises you have made and naivety about D/s relationships is not an excuse that I would allow anyone to hide behind had they been treating me or my friends this way. In either a D/s or a normal relationship most women would have a right to feel aggrieved had you treated them this way. So I can fully understand why your submissive has been upset by this.
At the end of the day it sounds to me like you are not committed to your partner as you are are still keeping your options open with these other women (why keep in touch with them if you have no interest in them romantically or sexually and you already have a woman your supposed to be focused on 100%) and as such you should not have told her you would make a commitment to her in the first place. Unless you are willing to commit to her fully and leave these other women who you've dated/seen alone out of respect for your new relationship and partner and focus all your attention on her, then I don’t see much hope for you both staying together or moving forward.
Have to say I agree with SirArtu and Carnelia2 here. D/s relationship or vanilla, you have agreed to get into a monogamous and committed relationship with this manchild and he agreed to be faithful to you. He failed. He has cheated and maybe multiple times from what you tell us. That makes it Read more… pretty clear that:
1 - There is no trust left in your relationship
2 - All openness, honesty and communication have broken down and this is his fault and not yours.
3 - We know that he is not a true Dominant. A true Dominant male would never treat you or anyone in the way he has done. At best he is a pretender and at worst a deliberate con-artist who has manipulated you to get what he wants. Either way he does not deserve yours or anybody else's submission, trust, worship or devotion.
4 - Because he is cheating he is basically telling you, through his actions, that he not only does not respect you, but that he does not care about you or your feelings, at least not enough to respect you and stay faithful.
5 - Because he has cheated with others, he is also so full of selfishness and lack of care for you that he is putting you at risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Do you know that he was being safe with these other women, do you know that they were all clean and healthy ladies? You don't and thanks to his lies you now need to go and get yourself a sexual health check to make sure he has not passed on any nasty STD's thanks to his selfish and self serving behavior.
6 - There is little to no point in talking to this manchild (and that's what he is, a child who grew into a man body but is still selfish and cannot control his impulses like a child) as you already know that you cannot trust him to make any promises from now on that he will keep true to his word on. In fact he may even turn around and play the "poor me", try to blame you or promise that from now on he will be faithful. Then start cheating on you all over again. Don't even give him that opportunity, he doesn't deserve it! People like this rarely ever change and seem to think there is nothing wrong with their behavior.
7 - At this point he has already decided and chosen to end your relationship by betraying your trust and respect by lying and cheating. You simply need to make it official now and tell him that it is over between you and it was he who ended it with his untrustworthy, lying, selfish and disrespectful behavior. Tell him that as a man and a Dominant he is a disappointment at best and a fraud at worst.
You need to cut your ties with this looser and cut them now so that you not only give yourself some time to heal the emotional damage that he has inflicted upon you, but also to give yourself the time, space and opportunity to meet a Dominant who deserves your submission and whom would never treat you in this way. Every moment you delay making this break from this unsuitable manchild is another moment you could have been using to find someone amazing who will rock your world.
I have no doubt you will find what you are looking for once you cut these ties and I wish you all the best for the future and what it may hold for you. We are about to start a new year, so give yourself the opportunity to start afresh and make this year one to remember.
When I was first venturing into the world of kink and Domming in general back in my late teens I always thought that seeing as I was both a Dominant, but a kind and caring soul that I would never be all that interested in consensual but aggressive sexual violence or what some would call rough or Read more… forced sexual play. It was something that back then I thought I would never have an interest in, but as I started to explore my Dom nature more I cam to not only enjoy it, but need to express it as part of who I am as a Dominant.
On the flip-side of that I also thought that I would enjoy living in a 24/7 D/s relationship where I was Dominant and making all the decisions and taking full responsibility for everything 24/7. I soon found out juts how draining and stressful that can be for a Dom and found that while I do remain Dominant in many aspects of my life, that for me, a good relationship only works well when there is more of a balance and the Domination is more romantically, sexually and in the privacy of our own home.
Touching on the gooey love stuff briefly as Fire has. I know that I could not do without my partner and submissive. Every moment we are apart my mind, body and soul crave her and every cell of my body throbs and aches for her and even when we are together, it still feels like enough is never enough Read more… and I always want more. My lust and need for her is insatiable.
Having said the above I also could not be without my ability to express my Dominating nature sexually. I have tried Vanilla relationships where I was not expressing my need to Dominate sexually and it was like sinning against my own soul. I felt like half the man I am putting myself through that and it was probably the most masochistic thing I have ever done.
I also don;t think I could live without bacon and curry! Life would just not be worth living if that life had no bacon or curry to enjoy hahaha.