I'm a dominant yet kind master seeking some friends and fun. If I find the right person then also looking for a longer term D/s relationship, but I'm not holding my breath. That was my old description on my profile.
Thankfully due to this site, I have found what I'm looking for in my current partner and some of the wonderful and genuine friends I have made since I've been here and I couldn't be happier.
I get almost as much out of helping to guide and nurture other sub's, Dom's and kinkster's as I do indulging myself in my own desires. So if you happen to pass by and are hoping to find someone genuine and kind to help guide or nurture you into these new waters of Kink and BDSM, then say hello and I'll always help if I can.
I enjoy many delights, however I have a real kink for the use of restraints, restraint systems, control and BDSM toys with my sub's. My style is more about control, submission and creating a safe trusted space for exploration of boundaries and fantasies unfulfilled, than it is about sadism, torture and violence although they are all tools of the trade. The sensuality of submission and taking ownership over a strong, intelligent and successful woman is what drives me to crave and need it and I cannot think of any gift more rewarding than the submission of a strong, beautiful and intelligent woman.
Personally I don't mind Strictly as the dancing is often of a very high standard so you'll never hear any complaints from me as I love watching anyone dance well and spin their partners around a room, although I'd rather be the one doing the dancing. Now if they had a Strictly World Cup featuring Read more… dancers from every country of the globe that's a show I would love to see.
No judgement here for asking. For me the best/my favorite world cup to watch was Italia 90, but this has so far been the best world cup since then. So many smaller teams playing out of their skin and going much further than anyone expected and only one 0-0 draw in the group stages, so plenty of Read more… excitement, goals and nice to see many of the bigger and more arrogant teams being handed their asses and put out of the tournament early.
The purist in me can see a Belgium/Brazil VS Croatia final, as I have a gut feeling Belgium will beat Brazil; but wouldn't it be a fairy tale ending to have Belgium VS England in the final and England take their revenge when both squads are at full strength? That's coming from a Scot too, but it would make it that much more magical in footballing terms for me.
I agree with Polly in that you have nothing to worry about and the wet towel is a good idea. Coconut oil will help the skin and once its dried in some aloe vera will stop any burning sensations from clothes rubbing, unless you would like to be reminded of the marks as your clothes press on them.
I’m glad to hear you managed to avoid what was a potentially damaging situation with a controlling/abusive man who was not what I would call a genuine Dom. So here are some tips that I would keep in mind when exploring and trying to find yourself a genuine Dominant and sort the “good” Read more… from the “bad”.
Being a good Dominant for me is about working towards and fulfilling every desire that both I and my submissive have. For me it's about my desire to control, direct actions, activities and also to take away the responsibility and confusion of choice and free will from my submissive when consent is given to do this. In terms or the relationship it's about forming a relationship that is open, honest, understanding, caring and non-judgemental but above all nurturing and beneficial. This helps us both grow together as people (both inner spiritual development as well as more vanilla life development) and become the very best we can be with each other and apart. It is my responsibility to not only fulfill my submissive, but to care for her, protect her from harm, to watch over and direct her growth and support her in every aspect of her life.
Every Dom is different and has a different style and we are no where near as prosaic or similar as many would assume. As part of my nature I am a nurturer who seeks to nurture, train and help others (not only subs) if they seek help, advice or training, but being Dominant isn't as easy as most people would have you believe and even for naturally Dominant men and women perfecting the art of being a good Dom is a constant work in progress. Every sub a Dom encounters will naturally have different needs and teach you different things about yourself. A good Dom know's that learning about yourself and others is a constant and evolving process that never stops and will be happy to let you talk to other sub’s and Dom’s to learn more about the BDSM, Kink and Fetish world; so asking questions of both your Dom and others is vital part of your learning curve and training as a submissive.
Here's a little food for thought that explains what I consider to be the foundations of any good BDSM relationship I enter into and you should keep this in mind when looking for and choosing a new potential Dom/Master/Daddy.
For me the four tenets of everything I do in the BDSM world are as follows:
1 – Consent
2 – Honesty
3 – Respect
4 – Trust
These are the four pillars upon which I base the foundations of every relationship I form, whether that be with other submissive types or other Dominant types.
1 – Consent is the number one priority to give as a submissive and to accept as a Dominant.
2 – Honesty is the next priority, as without honesty I cannot get to know, but more importantly understand another submissive or Dom and vice versa.
3 – After honesty has been achieved and reciprocated naturally comes respect and this respect must always be worked at to be maintained in all aspect of any relationship; both as a Dominant towards a Submissive and as a submissive towards a Dominant.
4 – Only once the first three steps are in place have you earned the trust of a Dominant or submissive and it is this trust upon which good and lasting relationships are formed. Once you have trust then limits and boundaries can be explored safely and fantasies or new ideas be shared, accepted and expressed.
In the context of D/s relationships the word “No”, is vital for both Dominants and submissives and neither should be shy of using the word. and it is here that BigPolly and I agree completely when she says:
Remember that as a submissive, YOU hold all the power, for without the consent of a sub to submit to us, us Dom's would simply be fantasists with no actual subs. So anytime a Dom makes you feel uncomfortable or gives of vibes that you don't like, talk to them about it and if you cannot resolve the feelings you are having then simply move on and find a Dom who is worthy of your submission.
Now that may sound odd to many when talking about Dom’s but far too often in the past I have seen Dominants in D/s relationships with submissives who are not well matched. In these types of situations a submissive may want to take pain and torture much further than the Dominant is prepared for or can handle. Remember not all Dominants are 100% sadists - or what I would call extreme sadists – and often even Dominants have their limits of where they draw the line. In a case where a submissive wants more from a Dominant than they are comfortable to give then saying no is vital. It may upset the submissive or make them angry that you will not take things as far as they wish, but saying no can avoid burn-out and emotional distress that can ruin any good Dominant and cause them to retreat from the lifestyle and D/s relationships in general. There is nothing quite so sad as seeing a fellow Dom who has been pushed too far by a submissive, not felt comfortable saying no and setting his or her own boundaries and is then left full of self-loathing and regret.
For submissives saying no is every bit as vital, especially when meeting or getting to know new potential Dominants. Saying no sets your boundaries out firmly from the get go and let’s the Dominants know what you are and are not prepared to engage in and where you real interest lie. This is also a good test of a new Dominant, as a good Dom will respect the word no, whereas a more dangerous or fake Dom will push or attempt to circumvent the “No”, and turn it into a yes. Not every submissive will want to experience the great wealth of different toys or types of play many Dom’s would like to explore with them and in this context saying no is a form of empowering your consent and ability to consent to the type of play you are comfortable with.
Now on the flip side how do you deal with being told “no”, and the rejection that comes with that? Well firstly if you are being told no or turned down as a potential partner then fear not; not everyone that we meet will like or resonate with us. Just because someone has turned down your advances towards them, doesn’t mean that you have done anything wrong, or indeed that there is anything wrong with you as a person, it simply means that you are not right for that particular person and that is fine because there will be many other people you will be right for. No matter how attractive in physical form or mind anyone is there will always be a spectrum of likeability and some people will lean more towards attraction and positive results and some will lean more towards the negative, but that’s normal and natural.
If you are in a relationship whether it’s Vanilla or BDSM themed and your partner say’s no to something, then the onus is on you to respect their decisions and wishes, to go no further with what you have asked of them and not to pressure them to comply if they are not comfortable with the request. The trick is not to take this personally as more often than not this type of “no” or rejection is about the person who has said no and what they either like or feel comfortable with and has little to do with the person they are saying no to and as such this should not be taken negatively; instead this should be taken as a positive because you have simply found another limit or boundary safely without running the risk of taking things to far in any type of scenario or play session.
I hope some of the above may help steer you clear of the fakes, pretenders and outright abusers who hide behind the mask of being a Dominant and good luck on the rest of your journey, I hope it's as safe as it is fun and fulfilling.
@Jlmay79 Your welcome my friend. I was also brought up as a Catholic in a strict Roman Catholic Scottish family, so I can empathise and understand the kind of guilt and shame that religious conditioning and programming can have on people. It can be a real struggle to overcome that and become your Read more… own person and not simply just another conditioned follower. The best way to start exploring is to learn and that means reading up about the areas of sexual fetishes or kinks that interest you the most or watching tutorialesque or more informative and instructional videos on sites like youtube. You can do all that from the comfort of your own home and sofa with no need to dive into any situations with anyone that you may not feel ready for just yet.
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for wanting to step in line and have an easy life, often doing things, thinking or acting outside of the "accepted norms" of the society around us can be a fractious experience, not because of who we are or what we do, but because of other people's own issues and how their issues cause them to react to us. Having the empathy that you seem to have for how you come across to others is a deeply helpful and incredibly undervalued trait and will help you to meet new people and new friends who you can be more yourself around than perhaps some of the friends and people you have around you at present. That empathy for others and how they are around you will serve you well and I am sure that care for others will keep you safe from ever overstepping any perceived boundaries of what others expect from you, but be careful not to allow your care for others to trump acting in favour of your own destiny. None of us were put here to help or make any other person happy other than ourselves and although it can be tough to do this for someone with high levels of empathy, sometimes you have to put your needs first and act in favour of yourself instead of those around you. After all if we can;t first be kind, understanding, forgiving, generous and happy with ourselves, how can we ever hope to be or give any of those things to others.
No Need to apologise at all by the way, were all here for many reasons and many of us have come to find help and understanding and hopefully that's something you will find here on this site in abundance.
Exploring your interests or desires (whether they be sexually or not) is never something that anyone else should judge or frown upon, it's a natural and normal part of self exploration. With any type of new exploration or discovery and particularly if you are looking to explore your nature or Read more… desires as a submissive in a BDSM D/s context, then I would take it as slowly as you are comfortable with and make sure that no matter who you meet or how much you want to start exploring, that you never allow yourself to be pressured into anything before you feel ready for it.
That confusion you feel (and I may be wrong about this) seems to me to be the friction between doing what you think others expect you to do in terms of societal or social so-called "norms" and what you actually desire to explore and do. We are often conditioned by society, religion, the media etc, into thinking any type of sexual deviation from standard vanilla fare is something bad, wrong, nasty or something we should feel guilty or ashamed about, when in fact the opposite is true. Exploring you sexuality, your desires and fantasies is a very healthy way to explore yourself and become a far more whole, well balanced and liberated individual who knows who they are and what they enjoy The more people you meet who encourage this and respect you for it the more you will loose the guilt/shame of having desires that are more than vanilla and gain the confidence and pride to express yourself in any way you wish and without fear of being judged by others for your sexual desires, interests or your sexuality as a whole.
Have you tried subdue her and binding her fist with duct tape around her limbs? What this does is that it not only keeps her held firmly in place, but also acts as a good funishment for her struggling, as after you begin to apply the ropes, you can remove the tape and it's likely to sting as it Read more… pulls all those hairs out of their follicles. This can be tricky to remove from underneath ropework though so another avenue to consider is that it may be easier to use something such as satin, velvet or silk scarves to do this instead as these materials are rarely abrasive enough to leave any marks no matter how tightly they are bound and can be more easily removed once you have her bound in rope.
I'm guessing that the struggling on your submissive part is part of your roleplay/dynamic? If it's not then I would take the unruly sub and tan her hide with a multitude of painful tools (cane, crop or whip) until the fight has been lashed out of her and she submits to staying completely still for you.
I wouldn't think it's really an obscure fetish my friend. Maybe it's more of a case that many people like myself who do love the smell of the opposite sex's body odor and sweat simply don't consider it necessarily a kink, just part of them appreciating the opposite sex. I guess it also depends on Read more… how strongly your attracted to that pungent smell and what you do to show how much you like it. Personally I find the smell of a partner a huge aphrodisiac and the taste that their own sweat leaves on their skin is a salty delight, but I have never really considered it a fetish.
Hi phoenixsub. Firstly let me say it always saddens me to hear about anyone in a situation like yours. Unfortunately in both the vanilla and BDSM world honesty is not the valued and prized treasure it should be. You have had some great advice already from Cade, wantboijuice, Carnelian2 and Joker 50 Read more… and I echo and agree with their thoughts. From what you have said of the situation it sounds like you already have honesty and trust issues and it's not a one way street, but lets break this down into easier to read points of what the main issues here are.
1. You felt that your master was not being honest with you and was sharing intimate or private images of you that he had promised were for his eyes only.
2. These feelings of being lied to or treated dishonestly caused you to do something (you haven't told us how you found this out yet) that you know was also a breach of trust or privacy to find out if he was lying to you.
3. Unfortunately your gut instincts were proved right and you have found out (through what you imply are dishonest or at the very lest nefarious means) that he has been lying to you and sharing your pictures with other people online. This is a massive breach of your trust and as many have already implied, it would make me question if I can trust a word this Master ever says to you from here on out about anything. At this point if you do decide to stay with him then you need to tell him that he needs to earn your trust all over again. Personally I would politely show him the door and tell him why and suggest in future that he is simply honest with anyone he forms relationships with or this may be a recurring theme throughout his life.
4. What I think is actually a worse sin against you as his submissive is sharing your private and likely far more intimate daily email reports. These reports I would imagine were like a daily diary and sharing your innermost and private thoughts and feelings with others is one of the biggest breaches of trust I can think of. When you do talk to your Master you need to ask him, "Why have you shared not only my private pictures but my private daily emails with others, what were you hoping to gain from doing this"? You see there is no real good reason for doing so, and asking him that question will reveal much about who he is and why he has consistently lied to you and broken your trust in this way. In all honesty at this point as far as you know he may have been using your private images and emails to boast to others about his control over you as I cannot believe he was using them to train any other subs, that's just horseshit as you can easily train subs without doing such things.
5. When you do finally talk to your Master about this both you and he will both likely feel that you have both betrayed each others trust now and despite the fact that you are begin honest and upfront with him in confronting him about this situation (therefore have not been lying long term as he has been) you will both have lost your trust in each other. The only real remaining question to ask yourself is, "Do I ever want to trust him again", followed by "Do I honestly think I can trust him again". The only reason to stay in this relationship is if you can honestly answer both questions with a "Yes". Personally in such a situation it would be a double "No", from me and from many others.
Take heart my friend and if you do end this relationship try to perceive it from the more positive point of view that you are simply acting in favor of your own destiny, by freeing yourself physically, emotionally and mentally and allowing yourself more time to find an honest Master who deserves your submission.