I've been practicing BDSM since i was 18, so that's 35 years experience! Still a lot to learn though and i'm not conceited enough to think i know it all.
I've worked in a dungeon and mentored many new folk who were curious about the lifestyle.
I've a fairly broad range of activities and practices that I've experienced with past partners and might best be described as an "all rounder". I love old school D/s dynamics and the traditional activities such as over the knee spanks, caning, bondage, Teacher/student scenes, tasks & rewards etc
But I've always been one for experimenting and trying new things and I love learning what makes a partner tick and fulfilling their fantasies.
I've also experience with DD/lg, CNC, MedFet, petplay, ponyplay, outdoor scenes, secret-in-public, breathplay and many more activities.
From the age of 18 I was a submissive to a succession of partners who were into the lifestyle.
Though in hindsight it's obvious I was often topping from the bottom at the time. I've since been Dominant for many years but will always be grateful for the personal development this period of exploration provided me. Thanks to these experiences I now have a particularly empathic insight into the head space and emotional state of a submissive partner during play as I've been there myself.
Between '98 and '01 my then partner and I shared switch roles in our own dynamic. By 2001 I had mostly transitioned to being almost exclusively Dominant.
From September 2000 I held progressively responsible roles in a professional dungeon beginning as on-site security and caretaker before progressing to assisting Mistresses in certain scenes and then advancing to mentoring couples in tutorial sessions.
Served as lead Safety & Security, maintaining a perfect safety record across many hours of operation.
Developed a comprehensive system for equipment maintenance, sanitation, and inventory control.
Acted as a key-holder and on-site reception, responsible for opening, closing, and securing the premises.
Provided direct support during sessions and private events, ensuring all client needs were met and safety rules were followed.
Tutored couples who were new to the lifestyle, introducing them to SSC, protocol, basics in bondage, impact play and role play before focusing attention on client's more personal interests.
Founded and directed a private coaching collective focused on alternative relationship dynamics and personal empowerment.
Provided one-on-one and group coaching for a harem of 4 submissives, helping them navigate complex dynamics and improve communication and trust.
Developed and implemented personalized long-term development plans for their diverse individual desires.
Designed and led workshops on topics including negotiation, boundary setting, and building trust-based partnerships.
Planned and executed scenes that catered to each individual's specific interests.
Cultivated a strong community ethos, resulting in safe, sane and consensual group scenes.
Took a planned step back from the lifestyle to focus on family and career development whilst maintaining aspects of D/s play within the framework of an otherwise monogamous vanilla relationship.
Back by popular demand I managed a group of 3 submissives. Guiding their progress and catering to their desires.
Shifted focus to specialise in one-on-one traditional and monogamous relationships.
I enjoy leading as a Dominant, now prefering to practice kinks and D/s dynamics within monogamous partnerships which can also emphasize the value of shared vanilla interests and teamwork.
Vanilla me: I run a busy and successful store in the city centre selling vintage and alternative clothes and accessories. Outside of my day job I do graphic design for bands and promoters and illustration for games. I practice photography. I like trekking off the beaten path and, weather permitting, wild swimming. I like old school games, where you bounce dice across a table, with real people. I love horror, fantasy and sci-fi, in art, literature and film. Anything vintage or alternative usually gets a thumbs up.
My limits are people who say they have "no limits" 😆
That might be a hot fantasy for them but here in the real world it's troubling that there are people out there with no risk awareness 😬
As a Dom, and within a framework of consent, prior negotiation, limits discussed and specific activities already practiced and tested I would usually direct a scene in the following manner which was taught to me by a Pro-Domme many years ago... I start days before the session by writing a script. Read more… Usually 4 A4 pages, each page is a "scene", so a session involves 4 scenes. A page is quite a simple breakdown of which activities will be occuring, in which order and for what duration each activity should last. Each activity will also include notes on what toys, equipment or accessories are required for each act. And what background music or sound effects should be playing (from a pre-chosen playlist). It's not a dense wall of text, just bullet points printed large. In addition to this there is a 1st page, the intro. The intro has the title of the session writ large and notes on protocol levels required for the duration and details of the opening ceremony where (usually) the sub will kneel, offer me their collar and request that I collar them as a symbol of handing over power/control for the duration. Then they will offer me an item (such as a paddle if it's an impact play session) and they state they give me permission to punish, funish or reward them for the duration (differs depending on pre-negotiated activities). And then I ask them to state clearly what their slow/pause/stop safewords will be. I remind them that at any time they can request a break for water or to go to the toilet. Then we'll begin the scripted scenes. A 1 page, 1 hour scene will typically be broken down into 4 10 to 15 minutes activities including time to change between positions/activities/equipment/furniture/location. I understand this might sound way too structured to some people who prefer more spontaneous play. That's ok, I'm not saying this is the one true way, this is just what works for me. I can be subject to time blindness and getting lost in the moment. Without this timetable of events and order of play I might easily lose track of time or forget to include a particular activity that the sub had requested. This keeps me on track and prevents the whole session from running over time if we have a limited time frame to work within. And in case anyone's curious, there is still wiggle room within the session. The script is only a guideline. It is possible and entirely reasonable to adapt the scenes and activities as they progress through the session. Things can go off-script, one has to be ready to compensate, cancel, increase or decrease an activity's level, style or duration at any given moment based on reading the subs reaction or obvious feedback. The script isn't set in stone but is a very useful tool for my style of play and to keep me on track. I also don't use a script every time I engage with a partner. If you know each other well enough sometimes you just act spontaneously and let passion guide you both. Or sometimes you just both say "hey should we go upstairs and play after dinner?" And there's no time for scripting. So to answer the original post: I like to plan my scenes quite meticulously and these are usually the most rewarding sessions. But sometimes it's fun to just to see how things pan out.
Day 16's clue is the first time I've not been able to find a piece in a Treasure Hunt. Anyone have any further clues please?